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My Choice in the Lifestyle...
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Posted:Mar 12, 2010 12:45 am
Last Updated:May 13, 2024 8:9 am
4417 Views
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As I was reminiscing today listening to 60s, 70s, and 80s music, I had a chance to reminisce about my 'choices' in life. When looking back (... and thinking ...), I think that many aspects of my life mirrors that.
I grew up in rural Louisiana in the New Orleans area, where life was very structured familially & socially, and safety was a given. And though that means that some activities were limited outside the home/property, things less limited. For example, active nudity was an issue but not particularly just being nude, esp. when you got wet or dirty; when I was back home a few years ago, I was shocked (... for a blink ...), when visiting my friends & her and when we were going to the pool, we just changed clothes in front of each other (... adult, , and ...). Growing up in the 70s, there was a great about of social & clothing alternatives within limited areas of my family. In some of these categories, my aunts and uncle's girlfriends wore stocking, garters, hot pants, mini-skirts, natural(wild)-hair look, and strappy shoes; each of those are areas that attract me in women's clothes, where the committed, non-married relationships by a favorite aunt kinda defined me in another area.
What does that mean to me now??? I adore very natural women with a wild-hair look, stockings & thigh-highs, strappy & high-heel shoes, non-married committed relationships, and things that show legs & toes. If such is the case, then I was 'indoctrinated' to what I like/love at the moment and later, chose to see if I actually liked it. I can say that in my dating, sex, areas of attraction, etc, it has matched 1-to-1.
It is stated that most of your flavors, tastes, and (dis)likes appear prior to 5-years old. Everything afterwards is just 'experimentation'. I wonder if you find this to be true in your life also.
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The Lifestyle vs. Play-parties
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Posted:Feb 27, 2010 8:56 pm
Last Updated:May 13, 2024 8:9 am
4130 Views
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I love having conversations and learning more about HOW a person came to be. Once in a conversation, the other person brought up something 'edging' on the side of the lifestyle and I explained how I am involved in it; I broached is lightly at first, then with more detail when I felt the person was comfortable with the subject. Within the conversation, she had made comments about cheating and self-justified rationals. I had to correct her by explaining the difference between the lifestyle and play-parties.
The lifestyle was created around World War II in California (... naturally ...) by the wives of Air Force pilots. In the days prior to these airmen being shipped out, the story is that they told their wives to go on and live their lives because there is no guarantee that they will be back or if so, in what condition; the thought was that WHATEVER HAPPENED, HAPPENED and should be understood. It was there that the 1st party appeared and the women continued things from there. Now some of these airmen did come back and with things already going forward, some of them reluctantly joined in. With the strict explicit government & military guidelines to the protestant lifestyle of the U.S.A., it kinda went underground.
Now what was garnered from this was NOT just play-parties but the open conversation of WHAT is communicated openly and what is allowed. There are some that believe that if you cheat on your woman or man and then 'force' them to submit to this new-definition (... which excludes all references of infidelity ...), then it is the same as the LIFESTYLE. It does not and note the difference is due to open conversation & an agreement of what is allowed; just going from one person to another while in a relationship when the other person is 'blind' to those happenings is not the lifestyle.
As an added note, there are some that say that just PLAYING around while being single denotes the lifestyle also --- not necessarily!!! If both of your agreed to it and it was communicated, the it is fine. If one person is hording information or manipulating it for their purpose, then that is something totally different --- LYING!!!
In any event, I just wanted to let people know the 'difference' in using those terms.
P.S. If you note the difference that in the lifestyle, there can be 'friends-with-benefits' given that the definition of friend (... love, respect, caring, etc...) exists; with just cheaters/players, its just BENEFITS given an exclusion of all sorts of friend & friendship traits.
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A/C - Acceptance & Choice
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Posted:Feb 27, 2010 1:45 pm
Last Updated:May 13, 2024 8:9 am
4032 Views
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I woke up a few day prior and thought about writing this but the trails of the workweek got in the way. What I pondered upon waking is that many people say they accept things but they really don't; it feels more like acquiescence. Given this, I will give you my speel on this.
In many a relationship, I have had an argument and at the end of it, they stated that they 'understand' what I am saying. I can 1/2 belief such is the case but after a while (... like after too many arguments on the same subject with the same person ...) I find that they neither accept it or choice to act towards it. I feel that when they say that they accept this, this is a lie.
The first area is Acceptance. One of the subjects relates to 'trust' and how can you say that you TRUST someone if you don't trust anyone. In another view, if you can't understand 'trust' then you cannot accept trust either.
The second area is Choice. Let's say that they say that they can both understand and accept trust, now would they 'choose' to do something that keeps WHATEVER they want in their life. I think that if they truly understand you, then there should be trust... and in this trust, it will be understood in you, accepted in you, and they will choose to do whatever is needed to keep you around.
Yes, there are lier in the world and they will say & do anything to get what they want, but that's a discussion for another time.
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The Lifestyle & an Active Lifestyle
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Posted:Feb 18, 2010 12:05 pm
Last Updated:May 13, 2024 8:9 am
4399 Views
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I was perusing the 'groups' area of Couples Dating and I noticed a group that caters to one of my favorite activities --- Sailing!!! I have been sailing since 2005 and am certified in various levels.
Now I have other activities (i.e. snowboarding, hiking, white-water rapids & camping if I can swing it, etc...) and was wondering what activities do you have that you would tie with the LIFESTYLE?
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The Art of Conversation
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Posted:Feb 11, 2010 11:16 am
Last Updated:May 13, 2024 8:9 am
4144 Views
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I had a talk with my best friend yesterday and she conveyed very good advice to me though she was not aware that she had said it. Her statement was about her and a new 'bo' was that "... we talk a lot but I don't include the back-&-forth of text message & emails of conveying information..." She could not have said a more poetic item for what I had been feeling with relationships.
Long-to-short, there is this woman whom I had dated some 3-years ago and she only texts me about once or twice a week. She tells me nothing about herself, just about what she is doing; she does not believe in expressing feelings of any sort, which is mostly why I broke up with her a few years back. She has been trying to get 'back' with me but I kept the requirements of
"... YOU TALK WITH ME MORE AND NOT CONSIDER ME A PERFECT DAD FOR YOUR , SEXUAL FANTASY FOR YOUR BODY, SPONTANEITY FOR YOUR SOCIAL SIDE, -IN-LAW TO HELP YOUR MOTHER IN GENERAL VS. A GOOD RELATIONSHIP FOR YOU..."
Well in the case of 'talking' I had told her that ANSWERING her questions (... where she never answers any of mine ...) is not a conversation but a business interview with 'me' as the product. She does not understand and I don't think that she ever will, which is why I won't consider it a relationship... or to think about having a relationship with her.
In my humble opinion, conversations are about sharing. In my short 10-years of dating (... age-27 to 38 ...), I have found that most of these dates/relationships were nothing more than interviews based on what-can-you-do-for-me-now; they were and still are shallow and not what I 'feel' that a relationship should be. I am a southerner from New Orleans (... geaux Saints ...) and understand the difference of social acceptance in various parts of our world. I understand that just normal social-respect with certain characters might mean that after 5-mins a woman can say to me "... Wow... I feel that we HAVE a great relationship b/c you have told me more about yourself than any of my husbands..." She said nothing about herself but just 'asked' questions; Did I forget to mention that she was still in her 20s??? I have no problems sharing information about myself b/c growing up in large, extended families of the South, you tend to share your life on a daily basis with a lot of people.
It was bad enough for relationships (... which should have an exacting, differentiating basis for the pairing ...) but even friendships are troublesome at times. I feel that the closer you 'get' to someone, the more that you should share. As it relates to the lifestyle, even if the 'event' is only for 'play', there should be a base amount of sharing one should have; if the sharing is little, then so should the expectation of anything further (... this can go for life-after-play and relationship-expectations-after-1st-date). This works well with approaching a woman at a party and talking with her ... or... conversating with someone online to eventually get them for a casual coffee meetup.
Again... Just a note for something that recently appeared in my mind. I think its b/c Valentines Day is approaching and the thought/feeling of 'closeness' is rearing its intrusive head into my emotional stability.
Damn you CUPID!!! You'd better send someone my way or I will be 'thinking' about fried-chicken, when I see you. LMAO!!!
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L&SC - The Lifestyle & Southern Comfort
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Posted:Feb 9, 2010 3:40 pm
Last Updated:May 13, 2024 8:9 am
4143 Views
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I had a great weekend. I went to a nice social party and had a really good time; the people were social, non-pushy, and open to general conversations. I will not bore you will all the sexy-play and all b/c you are not looking for that... but... I did get a 'feeling' while I was there.
WHAT I felt was that people considered me to be socially-comfortable to do things with, specifically playing!!! I had played with a woman, whom everyone was after; yes it felt good being one of the CHOSEN. The 'feeling-of-comfort' that I had gotten was that though she never played with more than one guy at a time, after we were together she was willing to play with others IF & ONLY IF I stayed with her. I do admit that my level of compersion (... arousal for having one's mate pleased, even if not by me...) did allow me to enjoy it greatly, but I found this to be strange, especially since I was NOT the active guy at the party.
This reminded me of another event a year or so ago, where I played with a woman and she noted that I was a COOL GUY and that I made PEOPLE feel comfortable about themselves when I am around them. I have heard this several times in the social & relationship realm but this seems to be a repeated item in the LIFESTYLE. I can now assume that its just part-of-my-character but never have I seen it more so AND MORE FREQUENTLY when just meeting people.
This is not a sense of HONOR or even a BOASTFUL RECOUNT. I am just noticing that though I would still love to have a great relationship with a woman (... and with her playing in the lifestyle if it is deemed acceptable ...) that while I am 'free' of any relationship, I will see where this goes. I don't think that there was a LOVE-CONNECTION or expect anyway but I will see where this goes.
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Lifestyle & Relationships
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Posted:Jan 22, 2010 2:50 pm
Last Updated:May 13, 2024 8:9 am
4050 Views
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With relationships being hard enough with just the meeting, getting to know you, and maintenance, I am finding it difficult to place the personal & the play of the lifestyle together. I have been in the lifestyle since '99, which is only like 5-months shorter than my actually having sex. I have found that my openness of allowing my potential mate to play as I am just socially there at the party or for her might have been 'schewed' by this but so far nothing 'negative' off my back.
As to this current write-up, I am thinking that instead of the yearly search for a relationship in the spring & fall with a fall-back to the lifestyle in the winter (... when the parties are more plentiful and all the couple-age of relationships are either set or non-existant ...), I was thinking about combining BOTH. Instead of potentially finding a relationship/date and after time tell her about my history in the lifestyle (... which I never hide anyway...), maybe I should think about dating here. Its just a thought and it may change by the end of the week but that's what's going through my mind.'
What do you think?
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