A Word About "H"
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Posted:Jul 18, 2015 5:53 pm
Last Updated:May 14, 2016 10:19 pm
3837 Views
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So, being an attorney, and if you bothered to read my profile, you can tell I like to write. And I wanted to take a moment to discuss a topic that affects me (and of which I clearly disclosed within my profile). I have herpes simplex virus 2, or HSV 2, or otherwise referred to as genital herpes. I have it both genitally and orally and have had it since the Fall of 2000.
First off, I HATE the word herpes ever since I became infected. I mean, it sounded so dirty and it made me feel dirty. So, my ex-wife and I decided to call it "Iggles." It was silly of course, but it sounded way better than using the term herpes! Since our break up, I decided to switch the term and simply refer to it as "H" now.
The fact of the matter is, I contracted the virus from my ex-wife (then girlfriend) in a monogamous relationship and she didn't know she had it. I had only a few partners before her, so I didn't sleep around a whole lot. A lot of women only have symptoms inside and they may not know it. The night I became infected, I went down on her and of course we had sex. The rest is history....I began showing symptoms within a few days and freaked out. I had several long talks with her, and I obviously believed she had no idea, because I married her eventually.
Since the break up with my ex-wife of 10 years and me entering the dating field again in 2012, I've had relationships with women who were positive and who were NOT positive. My ex-girlfriend of 10 months was and still IS negative for the disease.
How? Well, to begin, I'm on suppressive therapy of Valtrex daily. Over the years, I've learned to notice symptoms before an outbreak occurs (orally, I haven't had a cold sore in over 4 years and genitally, I get one to two outbreaks per year, which last about a week or so) and I make sure that my partner and I don't do anything that would jeopardize her contracting it. By taking my meds and knowing what to look for, I can help prevent spreading the disease.
Did I offer her a 100% guarantee that she would not catch it? Of course not, and if we meet, I can't make that same offer to you either. But I can tell you that I've never spread H to anyone and I intend on keeping it that way.
You see, it is estimated that 1 in 6, or about 17% of the adult U.S. population has HSV 2, and if you factor in HSV 1, the oral kind, that number grows to around 62% of the population, all the way upwards to 90%, depending on which statistic you want to believe. So, it's pretty common and if you're fooling around with people not being as open and honest as I am on this site, you might find out the hard way.
But that's just the thing, somehow, people feel that it's no big deal if you have HSV 1, commonly referred to as cold sores, but you're a dirty, slutty, bad person if you have HSV 2. The fact of the matter is, both viruses are virtually identical. The main difference between the two is where they like to live. HSV 1 likes to live at the base of the brain stem and occurs as cold sores around your mouth. HSV 2 likes to live at the base of your spine and comes out as sores around your genitalia and anus (usually depending on the infection site). But a person can get HSV 1 down below, and they can get HSV 2 up top, like I have.
And another point I want to add is regarding condoms. I'm all for safe sex and use them myself, BUT, my outbreaks, when they occur, do not occur on my penis. They occur a little up north in my pubic area. So, truthfully, if I were a dishonest person and not said anything, a condom would not protect you at all if I had symptoms. So, ladies (and guys for that matter), keep that one in mind. Again, please use condoms and exercise safe sex, but also remember, it's still not a guarantee you won't catch something.
So, there really isn't a "good" or "bad" version of the disease. I'll admit, they are both bad and I don't blame anyone not infected to openly embrace someone like me who is. But the fact is that there are millions of American couples where one partner is infected and the other is not. And millions of American couples find a way to be a couple and still be together.
So, I am not a bad, dirty person, for having HSV 2. At this point, 15 years after being infected, it is a minor annoyance at most in my life. And it only minimally affects my sex life with my uninfected partner. It is unfortunately not curable at the moment, so, I am stuck with it. But I take my daily Valtrex, keep myself "manscaped," and keep my eye for for any signs. They usually appear a day or two before an actual sore occurs, and once that happens, my partner and I figure out other ways to make each other happy.
It is possible to have a healthy sex life with someone who is not infected with H, Millions of couples have that relationship. I've been in them. H isn't the end of my life, it certainly changed it, but it's not the end. Hopefully, I can find a partner, infected or not, that understands and realizes that it's not an automatic infection for them as well.
If anyone has any questions about H, please let me know and I will try to answer them to the best of my ability.
Thanks for reading,
Bill
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