Died with an Erection
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Posted:May 22, 2008 8:32 pm
Last Updated:May 27, 2008 7:38 am
11247 Views
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The victim of an awful automobile accident was pronounced dead on arrival at the hospital, and the emergency nurse was ordered to prepare the body for the undertaker.
Removing his clothes, she discovered that the young man had died with the most massive ERECTION she had ever seen.
Unable to take her eyes off it, she finally yielded to temptation, took off her panties, straddled the stiff and proceeded to enjoy herself.
She was just getting down from the table when a second nurse came in and saw her and promptly reprimanded her for her obscene behavior.
"What's the harm?" shot back the first nurse. "I enjoyed it, and HE surely didn't mind it. Besides, he can't complain and I can't get pregnant. Why don't YOU give it a try too?"
"Oh, I can't possibly," said the second nurse, blushing. "First, he's dead and second, I've got my period. Anyway, listen, the doctor wants you."
And so the first nurse left.
The second nurse got to work, but soon found herself terribly excited by this massive hard-on and finally climbed on top of it.
Just as she was starting to cum, she was astonished to feel the man climax too!
Looking down and seeing his eyelids starting to flutter, she exclaimed in shock, "I thought you were dead!"
"Lady, I thought I was too," said the man, "until you gave me that blood transfusion." |
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Federal court rules against military gays policy
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Posted:May 22, 2008 9:01 am
Last Updated:May 23, 2008 7:50 pm
11211 Views
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SEATTLE - The military cannot automatically discharge people because they're gay, a federal appeals court ruled in the case of a decorated flight nurse who sued the Air Force over her dismissal.
The three judges from the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals did not strike down the military's "don't ask, don't tell" policy. But they reinstated Maj. Margaret Witt's lawsuit, saying the Air Force must prove that her dismissal furthered the military's goals of troop readiness and unit cohesion.
The "don't ask, don't tell, don't pursue, don't harass" policy prohibits the military from asking about the sexual orientation of service members but requires discharge of those who acknowledge being gay or engaging in homosexual activity.
Wednesday's ruling led opponents of the policy to declare its days numbered. It is also the first appeals court ruling in the country that evaluated the policy through the lens of a 2003 Supreme Court decision that struck down a Texas ban on sodomy as an unconstitutional intrusion on privacy.
When gay service members have sued over their dismissals, courts historically have accepted the military's argument that having gays in the service is generally bad for morale and can lead to sexual tension.
But the Supreme Court's opinion in the Texas case changed the legal landscape, the judges said, and requires more scrutiny over whether "don't ask, don't tell" is constitutional as applied in individual cases.
Under the latest ruling, military officials "need to prove that having this particular gay person in the unit really hurts morale, and the only way to improve morale is to discharge this person," said Aaron Caplan, a staff attorney with the American Civil Liberties Union of Washington state who worked on the case.
Witt, a flight nurse based at McChord Air Force Base near Tacoma, was suspended without pay in 2004 after the Air Force received a tip that she had been in a long-term relationship with a civilian woman. Witt was honorably discharged in October 2007 after having put in 18 years – two short of what she needed to receive retirement benefits.
She sued the Air Force in 2006, but U.S. District Judge Ronald B. Leighton dismissed her claims, saying the Supreme Court's ruling in Lawrence v. Texas did not change the legality of "don't ask, don't tell."
The appeals court judges disagreed.
"When the government attempts to intrude upon the personal and private lives of homosexuals, the government must advance an important governmental interest ... and the intrusion must be necessary to further that interest," Judge Ronald M. Gould wrote.
One of the judges, William C. Canby Jr., issued a partial dissent, saying that the ruling didn't go far enough. He argued that the Air Force should have to show that the policy itself "is necessary to serve a compelling governmental interest and that it sweeps no more broadly than necessary."
Gay service members who are discharged can sue in federal court, and if the military doesn't prove it had a good reason for the dismissal, the cases will go forward, Caplan said.
Another attorney for Witt, James Lobsenz, hailed the ruling as the beginning of the end for "don't ask, don't tell."
"If the various branches of the Armed Forces have to start proving each application of the policy makes sense, then it's not going to be only Maj. Witt who's going to win," Lobsenz said. "Eventually, they're going to say, 'This is dumb. ... It's time to scrap the policy.'"
An Air Force spokeswoman said she had no comment on the decision and directed inquiries to the Defense Department.
Lt. Col. Todd Vician, a Defense spokesman, said he did not know specifics of the case and could not comment beyond noting that "the DOD policy simply enacts the law as set forth by Congress."
Witt joined the Air Force in 1987 and switched from active duty to the reserves in 1995. She cared for injured patients on military flights and in operating rooms. She was promoted to major in 1999, and she deployed to Oman in 2003 in support of the U.S. invasion of Afghanistan.
A citation from President Bush that year said, "Her airmanship and courage directly contributed to the successful accomplishment of important missions under extremely hazardous conditions."
Her suspension and discharge came during a shortage of flight nurses and outraged many of her colleagues – one of whom, a sergeant, retired in protest.
"I am thrilled by the court's recognition that I can't be discharged without proving that I was harmful to morale," Witt said in a statement. "I am proud of my career and want to continue doing my job. Wounded people never asked me about my sexual orientation. They were just glad to see me there." |
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I think everybody has a right to be in the Military no matter what!!
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Cinderella and contraception
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Posted:May 21, 2008 7:31 pm
Last Updated:May 24, 2008 3:32 pm
11205 Views
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Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her. As cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promises to provide cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions.
"First, you must wear a diaphragm."
Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?"
"You must be home by 2 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."
Cinderella agrees to be home by 2. The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5 a.m., Cinderella shows up, looking love-struck and *very* satisfied.
"Where have you been?" demands the fairy godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!"
"I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything."
"I know of no prince with that kind of power! What was his name?"
"I can't remember, exactly... Peter Peter, something or other..." |
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Indian names
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Posted:May 20, 2008 1:51 pm
Last Updated:May 22, 2008 4:38 pm
11419 Views
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A little Indian boy asked his father, the big chief and witch doctor of the tribe, "Papa, why is it that we always have long names, while the white men have shorter names - Bill, Tex or Sam, for example?"
His father replied, "Look, , our names represent a symbol, a sign, or a poem for our culture not like the white men, who live all together and repeat their names from generation to generation.
Also, it is part of our makeup that in spite of everything, we survive.
For example, your sister's name is Small Romantic Moon Over The Lake, because on the night she was born, there was a beautiful moon reflected in the lake.
Then there's your brother, Big White of the Prairies, because he was born on a day that the big white who gallops over the prairies of the world appeared near our camp and is a symbol of our capacity to live and the life force of our people.
It's very simple and easy to understand. Do you have any other questions, Little Broken Condom Made in China? |
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5
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Baby, Seduce Me!
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Posted:May 20, 2008 12:23 pm
Last Updated:May 25, 2008 9:14 am
10935 Views
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As I sit here in my bedroom all alone,
I long for the smile on your face
And the gentle touch of your hand
I can't wait for your presence to fill this place!
Baby, Seduce Me!
I need to feel the tingle of your hand in mine
Your soft gentle kiss that takes me higher,
I want to feel the butterflies building inside
As you take me, hold me, and fill me with fire!
Baby, Seduce Me!
I want to watch as you slowly undress me
Until I tremble with desire,
I want to hear those magical words
I want you, I need you, I love you, let me take you higher!
Baby, Seduce Me!
Come to me now, I need you so much
I know what will happen , what will soon be,
On soft pillows and sheets made of satin
You will kiss me, caress me, and love only me!
Baby, Seduce Me! |
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Written by
Ginger
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2
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Dating in the 50's
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Posted:May 18, 2008 10:42 am
Last Updated:May 20, 2008 2:02 pm
11409 Views
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It's the summer of 1956 and Harold goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Harold's a pretty hip guy with his own car and a duck tail hairdo.
When he goes to the front door, Peggy Sue's mother answers and invites him in. 'Peggy Sue's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?'
Peggy Sue's mother asks Harold what they're planning to do. Harold replies politely that they will probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie.
Peggy Sue's mother responds, 'Why don't you go out and screw? I hear all the are doing it.' Naturally this comes as quite a surprise to Harold and he says, 'Whaaaat?'
'Yeah,' says Peggy Sue's mother, 'We know Peggy Sue really likes to screw; why, she'd screw all night if we let her!'
Harold's eyes light up and he smiles from ear to ear. Immediately, he has revised the plans for the evening. A few minutes later, Peggy Sue comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt with her saddle shoes, and announces that she's ready to go.
Almost breathless with anticipation, Harold his date out the front door while Mom is saying, 'Have a good evening ,' with a small wink for Harold!
About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her mother:
'Dammit, Mom! It's the Twist! It's called The Twist!!! |
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3
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I Desire You
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Posted:May 17, 2008 10:10 pm
Last Updated:May 25, 2008 10:31 am
11622 Views
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I feel you,
oh how I feel you,
so close
though you're so far away
your touch
your mind
your body...
your soul
next to me,
beside me...
with me
Your touching me,
mesmerizing me with your eyes
filling me with your touch
melting me with your sensuous kiss
I taste your kiss,
all day long,
though I have yet to actually taste it
I imagine,
fantasize
about you
and my desire,
my fantasies...
my needs
There's so much I desire -
to be with you
in every way possible...
next to you,
beside you,
with you...
touching you
I desire you... |
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by Heather Lynn
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6
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Bad Day When...
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Posted:May 16, 2008 8:47 am
Last Updated:May 21, 2008 8:32 am
11747 Views
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You know its going to be a bad day ahead when...
You wake up face down on the pavement.
You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
You call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.
Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and there aren't any.
You turn on the news and they are showing escape routes out of the city.
Your twin sister forgot your birthday.
You wake up to realize your waterbed broke and then discover you don't have a waterbed.
Your horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway.
You walk to work and find your dress is stuck in the back of your pantyhose.
You call your answering service and they tell you it's non of your business.
Your blind date turns out to be your ex.
Your income tax check bounces.
You put both contacts in one eye.
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6
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Dirty Lil
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Posted:May 15, 2008 3:08 pm
Last Updated:May 23, 2008 1:30 pm
11650 Views
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*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
Roses are red, pickles are green
I love your legs and whats between
*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
I'm a cool girl, in a cool town
It takes a real mother fucker to put me down
Iissing is a sport
Fucking is a game
Guys get all the pleasure
Girls get all the pain
*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
I like your style
I like your class
But most of all i like your ass
*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
The guy says i love you
You belive its true
9 months later,
He says the hell with you
The baby is a bastard
The mother is a
All this wouldnt have happened
If the rubber wouldnt have torn
*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
Sex is when a guys communication
Enters a girls information
To increase the population
For a younger generation
Do you get the information...
Or do you need a demonstration
*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
Roses are red,
Violets are corny,
When i think of you
Ohh baby i get horny,
Eat me,
Beat me,
Bite me,
Blow me,
Suck me,
Fuck me,
Very slowly,
If you kiss me,
Dont be sassy,
Use your tongue and make it nasty!
*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
I love bow
Bow loves me
Bonnie gave me H.I.V
So I kicked him in the balls
And stabbed him in the head
Now that mother fucker is dead.
*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
Hickery dickery dock
'Dis bitch was suckin' me cock
The clock struck 2
Me squirted me goo
Den wiped me dick on her frock.
*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
Oral sex can be so fine
When you're in a 69
First you start to shake and shiver
Then you cum like a river
When its finished don't complain
Just lick your lips and start again.
*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
Roses are red,
Lemons are sour,
Spread your legs,
And give me an hour.
*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
Smoke a smoke
Not a butt
Fuck a virgin
Not a slut
*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
Sex is evil
Sex is a sin
Sins are forgiven
So stick it in
*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
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2
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An Ode To Oral Sex
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Posted:May 14, 2008 10:05 pm
Last Updated:May 17, 2008 9:34 pm
12238 Views
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Penis breath, a lover's dread
Is what you get when you give head
Unpleasant as it tends to be
Be grateful that he doesn't pee
It's times like this, you wonder why
you bothered reaching for his fly
But it's too late, can't be a tease
Accept the facts, get on your knees
You know you've got a job to do
So open wide and shove it through
Lick the tip then take it all
Don't drag your teeth or he might bawl
Slide up and down, use your tongue
And feel the precum start to run
So when the fuck's he gonna cum
Just, when you can't take anymore
You hear your lover's mighty roar
And when he hits that real high note
You feel it oozing down your throat
Salty, fishy, sticky, yuck!y stuff
Okay, already that's enough
Let's switch you say, before you gag
And what's your revenge, your on the rag. |
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4
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The Creation of a Pussy
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Posted:May 14, 2008 9:09 am
Last Updated:Jul 22, 2008 9:15 pm
11081 Views
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Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,
created a pussy to their design.
First was a butcher,
with smart wit,
using a knife,
he gave it a slit,
Second was a carpenter,
strong and bold,
with a hammer and chisel,
he gave it a hole,
Third was a tailor,
tall and thin,
by using red velvet,
he lined it within,
Fourth was a hunter,
short and stout,
with a piece of fox fur,
he lined it without,
Fifth was a fisherman,
nasty as hell,
threw in a fish and gave it a smell,
Sixth was a preacher,
whose name was McGee,
he touched it and blessed it,
and said it could pee,
Last was a sailor,
dirty little runt,
he sucked it and fucked it,
and called it a cunt. !! |
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1
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Funny Email Typo
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Posted:May 14, 2008 8:29 am
Last Updated:May 22, 2008 8:05 am
11559 Views
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Below is a genuine email send out to staff at an unnamed company.
------
To: All Staff
Subject: Copier
Please, please please please please - I am begging - keep any and all paper clips away from the copier!
We have had two service calls in the last few days removing paper clips, staples and a binder clip from the innards of the copier.
PLEASE be really really really really careful around the copier. Especially the document handler, which seems to suck clits like a vacuum cleaner.
Thanks for your help. |
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4
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Not To A Naked...pt.2
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Posted:May 13, 2008 5:13 pm
Last Updated:May 16, 2008 7:19 am
11018 Views
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Things NOT to say to a naked woman...
Cool, I've never been to the Grand Canyon.
How many storage boxes can you fit in there?!
You must be very experienced.
Remember, you said this was a freebie...right?
Wait, let me get a board and rope so I don't fall in.
I gotta take off my watch, wouldn't wanna lose it.
Why do you wear a bra when you've already got a belt.
Would you mind rolling around in this flour.
I heard carpenters dream about you.
So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
Look....I can get my whole arm in.
It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
Is that an optical illusion?
If I look right at it I feel like I'm falling in.
Would you mind wearing a paper sack on your head?
Do you mind if I wear one too...in case yours falls off?
Jeez...What ya got up there, dead fish?
I heard you could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.
Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
I've been wondering all night what that smell was.
Maybe if I get really wasted I wont mind your body.
You know they have surgery to fix that.
Everybody down at the bar said you were good.
Oh, that's why they call it a Wonderbra, it makes those lines go away.
Huh? They told me your name was Jezebel.
I expect a good time, at least, the bathroom wall said so.
You're not as ugly as people claim, not quite anyway.
You're not 'that' fat.
I see why everyone said, with you, it's better with the lights out.
Wow, you like it the same way your little sister does. |
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To link to this blog (jeffandBonna) use [blog jeffandBonna] in your messages.
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