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Variations on a Kat
 
My thoughts, questions, and dreams
Keywords | Title View | Refer to a Friend |
One fo 'THOSE' Days
Posted:Oct 11, 2006 5:37 pm
Last Updated:Oct 12, 2006 2:04 am
2100 Views

Today is just.. bleargh... I'm not happy. I'm not excited. I'm not having a good time. Little things getting under my skin and ticking me off. No, it's not time for PMS so it isn't that. I don't know what it is.. I'm just angry and sad and moody and it's not like me. I think I'll just curl up with a nice hot cup of coffee with a good movie and retreat from the world for a little reprive. Sigh...
3 Comments
Inspired by the Goddess and the Angel
Posted:Oct 8, 2006 8:16 am
Last Updated:Mar 30, 2007 7:14 am
2441 Views

Be gentle with me... I'm about to attempt something that I've never really done before. Something that I've been inspired to write thanks to the GoddessofBitchesand SweetDarlinAngel. I will make my first attempt at a piece of erotica. As I said before... Please be gentle but comments and constructive criticism is welcome.

The music of the club was throbbing and pulsating and sending every nerve ending on edge as it moved through the bodies on the dancefloor. The heat and press of bodies creating a sensual atmosphere that was almost dreamlike. She never saw him as he watched from the darkened secluded area of the bar that faced the dancefloor. She was lost in the sway of the music as it washed over her and drifted through her straight to her core, speaking to her on a level more primal than her mundane life allowed.

He gripped the bottle he held tighter as he watched her hand drift up slowly into her already sweat-dampened hair and glide over the back of her neck, the movements in sync with the hypnotizing motions of her hips and chest as she danced with the gritty bass pulse that oozed from the speakers. He noticed his pulse quickening and his palms itch, wanting to touch her. Hold her. Finishing off his drink in a single motion he slowly made his way to the dancefloor, approaching her with the gait of a jungle cat stalking shy prey.

She didn't see him as he approached her from behind. The first indication of anyone there with her was the feel of the strong hand that slipped easily around her waist to circle it and the other hand on her shoulder before the hard length of his torso touched her back. She tensed briefly until she heard the deep, gravely sound of his voice as his purred something into her ear. Shivers ran through her and even though she couldn't understand what he had said over the volume of the speakers the trill of excitement the mere sound of his voice caused in her body was enough for her to ease a little into his arms and his frame and let the fantasy take her away.

She felt the slightly rouch stubble of his chin next to her neck as he pressed himself against her body from behind, her soft form a stark contrast to his hardness. The sensual sway of thier hips as the music guided them together, moving them in an almost ritualistic way as they felt the sparks fly from thier charged bodies. The heat. The sweat. The feel of flesh on flesh. It was more intoxicating than anything the bar might have served.

As the song faded into another he slipped his hand in hers and led her form the dancefloor to a door at the top of the stairs behind the DJ booth. It was the VIP lounge, empty save for them. Panels of darkened glass overlooked the bar and dancefloor below them and he knew that though they could see out, noone else could see in.

She turned to him almost immediately, hands slipping to his chest and looking upon his face fully for the first time, seeing his sensual lips and the curve of his jaw. One hand going up to stroke over his shaven scalp and cup his head at the base of his neck pulling him to her to nibble at his lower lip, a tounge flicking over it tenatively to taste him before it eased into his mouth. She reveled at the softness of those lips as she pressed hers to them and her tounge eplored the moistness of his mouth, drawing his tounge into hers and sucking on it slowly, pulling her head back till only the tip was in her mouth before moving in towards him again. She could feel the obvious ecitement building in him against her pelvis bone as he involuntarily pressed himself against her in response to her minstration.

His hand traveled up her ribcage and over the thin silk shirt that covered her body, thumb sliding over to brush across her nipple feeling it harden against his touch before his hand moved to cup it and slowly knead it as she kissed him so deeply. He lifted her off her feet in one movement carrying her over to a plush chair that rested near the wall of windows. Lowering himself into the chair slowly he guided her legs up to the sides of him to stradle him before his fingers began to work on the buttons of her shirt, him feeling her smaller hands doing the same to his before they traveled lower to undo his belt. The sound of the zipper was unmistakeable in the mostly quiet room, as was thier now heavy breathing. As she released his lips to take a breath his lips moved over her jaw to her neck, nibbling at the sensitive flesh behind her earlobe, inhaling the sweet fragrance of her hair and skin as he licked his way down her neck and to her collarbone, pausing to nibble gently at the flesh there and feeling the tremors run through her body. His hands pulled away the fabric of her shirt and his mouth closed over the pert nipple that stood out against the lace of her bra, kissing and nipping at it through the garment. Her back arched in response and he felt her fingers tighten on his shoulders.

A wave of heat swept through her body as his mouth seized her, claimed her and she had to grip him tightly to steady her swimming mind. Her hands reached into his pants to grasp the already thick member, throbbing with a pulse of it's own. Small hands circled it and stroked slowly up it's length before fingers feathered over the top and slid down the other side, feeling it jump slightly in her palm. Her mouth watered at the thought of tasting him, feeling him. With some amount of regret she leaned away from his mouth and pushed him back into the chair by his shoulders before she stood and looked into those ever darkening brown eyes of his, removing the shirt completely before hands reached around behind her to undo the latches letting her creamy breasts spill out of the lacey confines for him to see. She was close enough that he reached out and took one in his hand as she moved slowly to remove the pants she wore, a soft sigh escaping her at his gentle pinching to her sensitive nipple.

There was a hunger in her eyes that smouldered. She stood before him naked a moment before she knelt before him and leaned in to kiss his chest, her own lips treating him to the gentle torture as her tounge found his nipples and circled them slowly before blowing a cool stream of air across them. She nipped lightly at one then the other before continuing her kisses and licks lower across his hard abs, tracing the indentations of the muscles there.

Her hands slipped around his back and fingers slipped into his waistline as she leaned back and urged him to raise his hips. Her fingers slid over the firm muscles of his ass as she slid the pants from his body, nails lightly scraping the backs of his thighs as she pulled them down and off of him, leaning in to lick and nip at the inside of one thigh as she did. Fingertips slid back up the length of his legs as she raised herself back up level with him, looking into his eyes as she took his erect member into her hands and tilted it in towards him, her face moving down to brush her lips across the base of it, tounge flicking out to dance a circle over first one of his testicles before moving to the other. Hearing his sharp intake of air she looked up at him again to see his hands gripping the arms of the chair in a white knuckled grip, his eyes closed tightly . As he opens them to look down at her, having stopped her attentions she smiles and slips her lips over one of his balls, gently sucking it into her mouth and rolling it with her tounge like a hard candy in her hot mouth. Her hand moved over his shaft as her mouth shifts to the other side, releasing him and sucking the other into the velvet confines of her mouth. His sharp intake of air through gritted teeth is her reward.

She lets him go gently with her lips, her tounge pressing flat against the base of his cock as her breasts rub against his inner thighs, nipples brushing over him as she drags her tounge up to the tip, tounge narrowing and pointing as she gives a little curl at the end, flicking the tip of his head and tickling across it as she stares at him.

He moves one hand from the arm of the chair to tangle in the softness of her hair, feeling it slip over the back of his hand as he holds her head, not guiding, not pressing her to him, but merely feeling the movements she makes as her lips slip over his head and suck down the length of him. Feeling the tingles and fire race through him as her other hand moves to cup his testicles and fondle them slowly when she speeds the pace of her mouth over his hardness, his fingers curling in her hair to grip it tighter out of reflex before loosening in a massage. His hips move of thier own accord now, slowly pumping in time with her lips,, pressing into her hot, moist mouth. He feels the vibration of her soft moans shoot through him like lightning and feels the strong pull of her mouth as she sucks him in harder, devouring him.

One hand still cupping his balls, the other grazes fingernails lightly up his thigh as she sucks in his full length, feeling him touch the back of her throat and making soft sounds of pleasure. Her hair falls in a silken wave around her face, tickling the tops of his thighs as she greedily sucks on the velvet over steel shaft. Sliding up it slowly she almost lets go as she reaches the tip before pulling him back in her mouth quickly, the suction strong on his cock as it throbs between her lips. She hears his breathless moans and the near wordless pants, the sound of him losing control, tipping over the edge causing a flutter low in her belly and moistness between her legs.

Dragging her hand off his thigh she curls it around his shaft, working him in half circles as her tounge plays over his head, licking the drips of pre-cum off it and tasting him as she flicks the underside of the tip, lips closing over him again. Her pace quickens, her eyes close, her head pistoning faster over his hardness as she draws him to the brink. She feels him swell in her mouth and knows he is about to explode. He tries to warn her but his warning is lost as a deep moan is torn from his lips. She feels the hot rush as he begins to cum in her mouth, tasting the salty sweetness of him as it splashes on her tounge. She keeps her lips tightly around him, milking every drop from him as he pulses inside her. Her own hand strays between her thighs and she touches that wetness, feeling her own excitement, a finger exploring her opening as the last spurts hit the back of her throat and he begins to shrink in her mouth, swallowing down the nectar that he released there.

She releases him slowly fom her lips as she sets back on her heels, looking up at the man as he sits there, eyes closed, chest heaving in the aftermath as he tries to catch his breath. He is glorious to behold, muscles slicked with a fine sheen of sweat, glistening in the low lighting of the lounge. She crawls back atop him, thighs straddling his as she nuzzles his chest, feeling his arms wrap around her and draw her close, feeling the heat of her wet core rubbing against his still throbbing cock. He presses his lips to hers, sucking her bottom lip into his mouth and running his tounge across it before he captures her lips fully with his, kissing her deeply, not caring that his seed was spilled there. Only feeling the intensity of his own orgasm and the high that he's gotten from it.

As they sit there, pressed into each other's arms he draws back and looks up at her with a devilish grin on his face. "Your turn" is all he says as he slips a hand down between them and feels her wetness there.


(To be continued...)
4 Comments
Weather and Moods
Posted:Sep 12, 2006 7:24 pm
Last Updated:Oct 9, 2006 5:49 am
1956 Views

I don't know what it is about dreary, rainy days. Typically they make me melancholy and reserved. The kinds of days you just wanna curl up with a soft blanket and hot cup of cappuccino and a good book and be lazy all day. But for some reason today was different. Today I had a restless feeling. A longing..an ache. It's hard to describe. Oh and yes of course there was that horny feeling but I think that goes more with wanting to be curled up and cozy with a person than anything. A day to be lazy and spend the entire day curled up in bed or in front of a roaring fireplace on a nice soft rug with someone. I wonder why it is that the weather effects our moods so much? Ah well... enough babbling for now. It's off to work for me.
2 Comments
What?!?!?
Posted:Aug 11, 2006 1:32 pm
Last Updated:Oct 21, 2006 9:54 am
1936 Views

What's up with this? You can't even LOOK at a profile without being a paying member? WTF?!?! How are you supposed to know if you wanna send a wink to that person or not if you can't even read the basics about them? It makes no sense.

Gaaaaah!!! Why did I come back? Oh yeah...to check up on my fellow bloggers pages to see how they are. I miss you Sizz and Mandy. You still out there? Doin okay? I hope so lovelies.

Sigh...oh well..
0 Comments
What?
Posted:Jul 11, 2006 6:38 am
Last Updated:May 24, 2024 11:32 am
1893 Views

Okay so I come back and all my blogs are gone? What the hell?

0 Comments
What?
Posted:Jul 11, 2006 6:29 am
Last Updated:May 24, 2024 11:32 am
1655 Views

Okay so I come back and all my blogs are gone? What the hell?

0 Comments
Heart of Glass?
Posted:Mar 20, 2006 7:16 am
Last Updated:Sep 25, 2006 5:02 pm
1943 Views

I've been moping around for awhile now. Wondering what I did that was so cosmicaly wrong in a former life that I'm paying for it now with the loneliness I feel. It never seems to fail that I fall for the wrong guy.

Now I don't mean by the bad boy kind of wrong guy. I mean the unavailable kind of wrong guy. Problem is I never know they are already involved with someone when my crush developes. It's not until the crush is firmly established that I find out they have a significant other. And me, not being the home-wrecker type, shy away as soon as I find that out.

Or I'll fall hard for someone that's way too far away for me to ever get to meet. It all feels so hopeless. I see all these happy couples around me and wonder why I'm not deemed worthy by whatever cosmic entity is out there that decides these things to have that myself. I've always dreamed of finding the right one and having that someone to share those sickeningly sweet tender moments with but it's never happened to me. And due to that I've become a rather jaded and somewhat bitter person about the matter entirely. usually this is displayed not with shrewish bitter words and behavior but with biting witt and sarcasm. Using humor to make others laugh and at least be a bit happier even if I can't be.

I don't have low self-esteem. I don't go through life with a frown on my face. I'm not heartless or controling or high maitnence or any of those other things that are seen as such a bother and a put off. I try to help my fellow man. I'm diverse in my interests. Intelligent. Kind. So.....why can't I find someone similar to be happy with? Am I doomed to forever be alone? I like my independance. I don't want someone who has to be with me 24-7. But it would be nice to have someone to hold me now and then. Someone to buy that sweet card for for no reason at all. Someone to pamper on occasion and care for. Someone to dance with to a slow song. Someone to lay my head on thier chest just to hear thier heart beat.

I had a dream the other night about my first love. I know in real life he is married and has . But in this dream we had ran into each other and had talked like friends, like we were when we parted. Then later in the dream I happened to ask about the family and found out he was getting divorced. It was like instant spark and we were back where we started from and ready to be together.

Now how cruel is that? Give a person like me a dream like that knowing it will never happen. I don't know who I pissed off cosmicaly but they are sure having fun torturing me. The only time I feel love, true love is in my dreams. Never in my waking moments. It's just not right.

1 comment
Crash into Me
Posted:Nov 19, 2005 7:04 pm
Last Updated:Oct 21, 2006 9:49 am
2531 Views

I recently watched a movie that moved me. There's been one other film that has moved in in such a way in recent years (Higher Learning).

The film was Crash. I don't know why but it has always been an issue for me all my life that racial and social issues effect me so much. From my earliest memories. Was I am activist in a former life or something? Was I one that was persecuted? Was I the one doing the persecuting and thus this is my pennance?

I have never understood the reasons for such ethnic seperation. I don't look at a black person or an asian person or a hispanic person or a jewish person or a middle eastern person and immediately have a little compartment or stereotype to fit them into. Am I so different from the general public? It's not that I don't see the differences there. I know they are. The surface differences. The differences in background. The different cultural heritage and ethnic values. But is that a bad thing? I see it as something rich and wonderful.

For example: My white rural family (on both sides of my background, mother and father) has certain traditions. We always have a certain cuisine at family get togethers. We behave a certain way at weddings and funerals. Typicaly they listen to certain types of music. So am I Going to be offended that an asian person classifies me into that subgroup that my family falls into By asking if I listen to country music and eat fried chicken and cornbread? No. So why do other people get offended if someone assumes? Eating rice is a part of the cultural heritage of an asian person. Eating 'soul food' (chicken, ribs, greens, etc..) is part of an african american's cultural hertitage (ironicaly as it is in mine growing up out in the country). Etc...etc...

The point is, why do we all let little things like the differences that make this world so interesting and wonderful in our personal cultural backgrounds become a huge issue and divide us? Shouldn't it bring us together knowing that we can learn so much from each other that can make our lives better?

In the movie Crash we saw all the stereo types. The young black men that praised thier community while seeing all white people as the oppressor. The rich white woman who had one bad experience and saw everyone who was different as bad and an oppressor like her maid and the hispanic man who came to change thier locks. The black detective that told his momma he was busy fucking a white woman, who was actually half Puerto Rican and half Ecuadorian, just to piss her off. The white politician who saw the various cultures as just a way to play the numbers and get votes to keep the power he has. The disgruntaled white cop who took out his anger at one black woman on another as if they were all the same just because of the color of thier skin and who eventually had to try to save that same woman's life and being hampered by her fear of him from his previous actions. The young white cop that doesn't like what his partner is doing but yet cannot and will not come out and speak up about it. The hispanic man who works hard and tries to make a better life for his family who is constantly judged by his looks and his race. The Middle Eastern store owner who has such a small grasp on the English language that he cannot understand most of the people around him and by that inability to communicate ends up at odds with others and being judged solely on his ethinic background. The successful black man who was all but called an 'Uncle Tom' because he 'acted too white'.

There are more nuances there that I haven't even touched on but this movie held no punches. It laid out all the prejudices and held them bare for us all to face. It showed us how all the seemingly little things that we do or say has an impact and reprecussion on our lives and the lives of the people around us. Even a small amount of hate or prejudice can make a huge impact on lives. But by that same token this movie showed us that even the smallest acts of kindness can change a person's entire life.

It angers me how we treat one another. It confuses me because I just don't understand it. I don't understand how we can continue to treat each other the way we do. Sure plenty of people that hold such prejudiced beliefs will say that it is based out of thier faith or religion but I tell you, more wars, death, and injustice has been wrought upon the human race in the name of religion than anything else. If a god condones the murder of others in his/her name, if they sanction the blanket shunning and disgrace and injustice to entire groups of people then that is not a god I want to follow. Living where I do Chrisitanity is a huge part of people's lives yet they all claim to know what god wants. The God i was raised to believe in does not tell you it is okay to hate someone because they are gay or to hate them because they believe in a different religion than me. The God that I learned about in Sunday School was loving and kind, patient and good and never did he incite violence or hatred. Why would a loving father want you to kill and torture in his name? Why would anyone want to follow such a fickle god that could at anytime decide that you have displeased him and bring that same hatred and torture upon you?

Noone race is better than another. No one way of life is the right way of life for everyone. We've all heard Dr Martin Luther King's speech of his dream. Let me tell you mine.

My dream is that one day we will judge each other solely on our individual actions and not just classify everyone into one little group and judge that entire group of people on the stupidity, ignorance, meaness, and blindness of a few individuals. Everyone has faced some kind of prejudice or discrimination in thier lives. As a white woman I have had my share of people hating me just because the way I was born looking. So in turn am I supposed to do the same? Am I to judge every person that I meet or see based off of the closed-mindedness of those few people? I think not.

I always feel frustrated trying to explain my point of view on this subject. I always have to worry who will take my words the wrong way in our current society of going WAAAY overboard on political correctness. It is so simple to me in my mind that it is hard to break it down and explain it. Try once to explain something that is second nature to you to someone else and you'll see what I mean.

At the risk of sounding cliche and like an old 70's hippy song, Can't we all just love one another and come together as people and accept the differences, embrace the richness of our diversity, and understand that we don't all have to be carbon copies of one another to peacefully co-exist in one race: the Human Race.
2 Comments
Happy Halloween
Posted:Oct 31, 2005 9:48 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2277 Views

Well kiddies I'm back. Took a little (unplanned and unexpected) vacation from the internet. Nothing fun or exciting just life having it's way with me again. Oh well... c'est la vie right?

I was glad to read all my friends in Bloglands journals' and still have quite a bit of catching up to do.

Until later my dears....
1 comment
I need a Vacation
Posted:Oct 2, 2005 4:01 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2520 Views

You know I'm sure lots of people need one as well but I'm not talking about just time off from work or anything. I'm talkin like a full on vacation.

I imagine white sand beaches that is so fine it feels like velvet under your toes. Palm trees swaying with thier fronds swishing and clacking in the breeze. The smell of the salty sea spray and the sound of the waves breaking on the shore. A tall frosty tropical drink in one hand and a good book in the other.

A time to not worry about all the details of life, just to relax and let it all go. Recharge the batteries. Loose all the stress and tension from my muscles. To sleep and wake leisurely and do whatever and go wherever the day takes me.

Does such a time ever exist? I hope so. Soon. Someday.
1 comment
Grrrr
Posted:Sep 21, 2005 2:37 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2636 Views

You know it rarely shows me what the real most recent responses are on here. If I miss replying to anyone or if it takes me a while until I find it like some fabled explorer as I dig back through my blogs please forgive me.
2 Comments
Father Figure
Posted:Sep 16, 2005 5:15 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2722 Views

No I'm not talking about the type that girls look for in some way to be thier daddy (or sugar daddy for that matter!). What I'm talking about is the positive influence of a male figure in a person's life.

You always hear about how it's bad for single moms who have sons that don't have positive male role models in thier lives. But why not about daughters having the same? Isn't it just as important?

I'd say it is. After all if a girl doesn't have a good example of what a real man should be like then how will she spot him later in life? Some might, after going through a lot of rough patches with the wrong guy of course. But most would just think that that is the way a man is supposed to be and the viscious cycle of unhappiness continues.

Despite the fact that my parents never divorced I can honestly say I have never had a positive male figure in my life. My father thinks that just because he doesn't hit my mother that he isn't abusive.

From my own experience I can honestly say that it's easier to recover and move on from a physical hit that from the mental and emotional abuse. That shit lasts for years. It takes forever to de-program yourself from that kind of crap.

My father doesn't seem to realize that all the years he has talked down to my mother, treated her like she was stupid, blamed her for every little thing that goes wrong that he has permanently scarred her and his daughters. (We weren't so lucky on the no hitting policy. In fact just a few weeks ago he went on one of his tyranical rants and drew his arm back with his hand in a fist and said "I oughta knock the shit out of you". I think I set him off balance when I looked him in the eyes and said flatly "It wouldn't be the first time.")

There's no hope for my mother. She is a programmed robot. She has been verbaly beaten down for so many years that she has come to believe it. My sister has always went for the alcoholic losers that are the same way. Even I managed to marry one of those type. (Though he had no problems hitting women but he did have problems when he encountered a woman like me that fought back and wouldn't cower. guess the crap from my childhood helped to toughen me up.) I got out of the marriage though and since I have been working on getting rid of the mental clutter and bullshit that the ex managed to slip into my mind. I get mad at myself for having allowed him to affect me so which just furthers the self loathing that he put in there.

I think I'm finally past the largest part of it. I know that I'm not the things he tried to implant in me that he wanted me to think I was. Of course I know that the only reason he did this is because of his own insecurity and his desire to make me dependant on him emotionally. He tried to isolate me from the world. To make me alienated from everyone and everything that came before him.

I can't help but think that if I had a good father figure that I could have avoided this man. I could have saw through his pretty lies at the begining and saw him for what he really was. I guess despite my fervent independance that I secretly had a need to feel wanted and needed and loved. Now that I'm older I realize that I still need these things. Everyone does. But I'm more than content to be alone until the right one comes along. I won't jump at the first person that flatters me with pretty lies.

I know my worth now. I know I can make it in life without someone by my side if I need to. Sure, it might be better to have someone there to help me on the path of life but it HAS to be the RIGHT person or else I'll solider on alone. I am not a co-dependant. I am not scared of being alone. I can make it. I will take my time and not rush into anything. If he doesn't have the time or patience to wait for me to be ready to commit then he isn't the one for me anyway.
1 comment
Email Irritation
Posted:Sep 7, 2005 6:06 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2667 Views

You know, I have gotten some very nice emails from people here. Well thought out, witty, charming, etc..etc..

But it never fails to amaze me the significant lack of effort and time that some folks put into them. What can you know about a person to set you a little more at ease by reading thier dimensions or "U R Hawt. Let's Fuck"? Honestly.

Now I am a bit more understanding if I can click thier profile and see that at least they put some thought into what they are looking for and what thier tastes are. But, when they don't even take the time to fill out the basics? It may sound snobbish but...not worth my time. Let me tell you why.

If a person doesn't even bother to fill out the info on thier own profile it shows me a sense of impatience in that person. In other words it looks like they are in it just to get themselves off and then out the door. I'm not saying I'm looking for a long meaningful relationship here but you better believe that if he's gettin his then I damn well better be gettin mine.

It really isn't that hard or time consuming. Just fill out the damned profile. Add your categories and be honest. let other people know what you might have in common with them. if you're not going to post a photo then at least do the profile. If you aren't going to write a decent email then AT LEAST fill out the profile.

If I can't tell anything about you that gives me a fill of who you are you will not be hearing a response from me. If you can't take the time then why should I? It's selfish to think that your time is more important than everyone else's.

Done ranting....feel better now. Thanks.
3 Comments

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