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Fun With Profiles
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Fun With Profiles In a "Christmas Story" Raphy is super excited about the opportunity afforded him by his<b> teacher </font></b>to write a theme. I think her name was "Ms. Connie Marbles." Recently she was one of the contestants competing on the "Filthiest People in America" (FPA) show. It's that new reality show on FOX. It's pretty good if you're into filth. Last week she won the approval and adoration of a grateful nation by popping a fresh turd into her gob, and schmeck, schmeck, schmeck, look ma; all gone! I wired in 25 Schmeckles, because it was such a great show...for human/dog-turd-play. Worth it. Now there's a spin-off on FOX: "The Filthiest Dogs in America." Yeah, I got a little bit off track there for a moment. Back to business. Ralphy's assignment is to write a THEME: "What I want for Christmas." Why, Ralphy couldn't believe his luck. He wanted the Holy Grail of Christmas gifts, The Daisy Model 1938 Red Ryder BB gun, with a compass and a sundial in the stock. The opposition, in the form of every adult person on the planet, discouraged Ralphy refuting his dream with "you'll shoot your eye out." Ralphy wrote his theme, which was a turd that Ms. Marbles wouldn't eat, giving Ralph a C+ on the crummy theme for Chrissakes. Ralphy's old man, on the other hand, loved the theme, ate it up as it wasn't a turd for him, and got Ralphy the gun. Nice. Q: What's any of this FPA turd eating business got to do with a profile on this site? A: Now that's a terrific question! Q: Why thank you. And? A: On this site as an end advertiser, so to speak, your job is to WRITE A THEME. So, ... Ms. Marbles: "Class, I want you to write a theme in the form of a profile. "Why I'm so g.d. lovable, desirable, fuckable, and a super-pooper awesome person." Your profile will be graded by other end consumers on this site." A: Thank you Ms. Marbles. That's very helpful...would you like a tick-tak? You have a touch of Halitosis. Right, it may seem pretty simplistic, and perhaps I'm flagellating a deceased equine here, but I say all this because your ability to evaluate the construction of a profile can and will help you determine if the so-called "person" at the other end of the thing is legit, or a scammer. Q: Huh? What you talkinBoutWillis? A: Don't let some super foxy pictures turn you around and spin you out. So then some basic red profile flags to look out for: 1. Super Foxy/Studly choreographed images 2. Super Foxy/Studly images slightly off, probably different people w/similar "features" 3. Writing style of a gibbon, or baboon, or one of those cute fluffy little monkeys with the wide eyes. You know the ones. A: Here's a writing sample from a fictional profile that should raise red flags if you are able to smell the smell of shit: Dis am me frindz!! ...  ... Introduction: " AM single never married no s and am looking for a serious and honest relationship that will last forever . a man with a caring heart I'm here to meet the man we can start something together suck bawlz and see how it goes " [Q:] Yeah well the person's not such a great writer, so what? [A:] Um, yeah, I don't care really except to say that the writing style of the THEME can be a warning sign that perhaps the "profile" is a piece of shit. Really, do you think there is a probability that our sample "profile" is crafted by a person in Tonga-Tonga trying to rip you off??? You gotta figure that for yourself. Don't go sending any iTunes cards to get them English tutors, school supplies, and pencil sharpeners either. [A:] So I launch a fishing expedition and post up a heartfelt note: Me are chairman of Revolutionary Command Council (RCC) in Libya. Polite, caring, loving dictator seeks a good entity with heart to share with me in an exotic place like Nigeria, Ghana, or Niger b/c they are in close proximity to my RCC HQ in Libya... [A:] Also, do yourself a favor, and read the comments other people have left in response to the profile picture. Lots of times there is valuable commentary as to the nature of the profile if something is off, amiss, or otherwise shitty. The Terror Is Mine T.M.E. |
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Seeing as how there are no comments yet on this great blog, I'm going to assume you were unaware of glitch #807 here on this lovely website: Posts won't show up on the list of blogs for people to read until a comment is made... By someone who would have to see the blog before commenting.  See what fun that can be. Hope you'll come back and maybe repost this? Most bloggers tend to just leave our own first comments, that way the new post shows on the list of new blogs right off the bat. 
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Thanks for the info about the glitch, TicklePlease. That's a very strange issue indeed. The Terror Is Mine T.M.E.
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I think the theme song for this post is "Candy Colored Clown" by Roy Orbison.... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmsrO8xpe-w Yup. The Terror Is Mine T.M.E.
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