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Blogs > secret_lade > Ramblings of the depraved.....

Generalized Anxiety Disorder  

secret_lade 49F
14389 posts
8/22/2016 12:09 am
Generalized Anxiety Disorder

It keeps me up at night, I fall asleep, but never for very long.

It doesn't allow my mind to shut off. I focus on small incidents that I feel didn't go as planned and replay the scenario in my mind over and over again.

It isolates me. I feel like everyone is judging me, mostly because I am always judging myself.

On my bad days, I have difficulty making even the smallest of decisions without an immeasurable amount of stress.

It is exhausting. Overthinking every decision, every conversation, every action, every minute of the day.

And, I deal with this every day.

Most of the people who know me don't know I have these struggles. I do a great job of pretending. Having worked in management positions most of my adult life, I've gotten pretty good at faking confidence when I sometimes feel inferior. I stand behind knowledge and use it as a shield when I have to face a situation that causes me anxiety.

Knowledge is something that makes me feel secure.

Today was a high anxiety day for me, I'm not really certain why. It doesn't always have a trigger, sometimes it just is. When I got home from work, I yelled at my because the apartment was a wreck, and spent the next hour cleaning that up, even though my feet hurt and I was starving.

Now I can't sleep, and I keep replaying that scene over and over in my mind, feeling absolutely terrible about it.

My rational mind knows I shouldn't. They've long since forgotten I was mad when I first got home and it's not like I made them help me. My continued to game with his friends on his Xbox and my and I watched tv together on the couch until bed time.

I just can't turn it off.

Knightmoves999 72M
12 posts
8/22/2016 2:38 pm

 i have bouts with anxiety sometimes, often it is work related or caused by a family situation. , Ativan takes the edge off, but I dont want to live on that, I usually go to sleep with my TV on, it keeps me from thinking, and when I am tired I will fall asleep, that may help you. When there is a problem at work often i cant do other ttasks until that problem is resolved.. Family or personal problems i am able to compartmentalize when working.. I do feel for you..


secret_lade replies on 8/22/2016 7:22 pm:
I've gotten into the habit of falling asleep with the tv on too. I pick the same tv show every time so I'm not drawn into watching, I think I just need that background noise. I've had a lot of stress in my life lately... I'm hoping that, once things settle down, I can get back to some sort of manageable norm again.

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