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| Blogs > Sapiogurl > The SapioFiles |
Tribute to the Men of Craigslist
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Tribute to the Men of Craigslist If you are unfamiliar with Craigslist's "Casual Encounters" section this Satire will be lost on you. But if you've visited...you probably find this fine piece of literature amusing. It was nominated for "Best of Craigslist" then I was BANNED. What kind of social deviant get's banned from CL? Hmmm Enjoy... Hi there you hot CL men. You make me wet/laugh/cringe/cum/disturbed on nearly a daily basis. Here are some ramblings from an admitted CL addict. These are just one horny gurl's observations, opinions, confessions AND some questions. All in fun. Maybe you'll find something I wrote useful and you'll get your dick sucked more often. And that's what we all want-right guys? I like to post ads and occasionally, answer yours. I am a 40yo, considered to be hot and I am in a committed relationship. Why Casual Encounters then? Because I am exhibitionist (show off). I get turned on thinking a stranger is rubbing one out looking at my pics. Also, this forum provides an outlet for all the nasty (twisted?) thoughts I have running around in my head. Because you, my dear CL lovers, never judge me when I need to get my freak on. Oh-and as an unexpected benefit, my man is getting fucked like I am getting paid for it. He has YOU to thank my CL boyfriends, I take you and your filthy imaginations home with me each night. My man is aware I play online but has no idea why his, career driven, executive type gurl has suddenly gone all nympho on him. SHhhhh-let's keep it our little secret my sexy computer playmates. I like writing sexy (fuck) stories. I have a filthy imagination and I get all kinds of heated while transferring all those dirty thoughts from my head to the keyboard and to your computer. If I also send some pics of my nude smokin bod I took in my bathroom mirror (head intentionally chopped off of course) along with, I am (hopefully) soon rewarded with a shot of your cum drenched fatty (usually taken at your desk at work-HOT for real). When I am fortunate enough to receive that sweet prize, I can only pray I have a skirt on that day and little or no panties on at my own desk. You CL cyber BF's get me so worked up the thoughts of choking on my horny, lecherous boss's dicklet are actually a consideration. Suggestion-if you write me a story back, don't waste your time with romantic/flowery/tasteful "erotica". I just scroll down to get to the nasty parts anyway  My thoughts on a few typical postings… »»Younger4Older (cougar/MILF/soccer mom/bored housewives)- I'M ALL IN! Perfect biological and hormonal match-jus sayin. Stamina for all nite long, perpetual stiffy-have mercy. But come on all you "19" (16?) year old and young 20 somethings, I know you just want to pound it stupid and I love you for that. You are the only soldiers still "standing" in the wee hours of morning-makes me wonder why you don't have a gurl your own age? What makes u think I'll want you? Just because I'm old-er and horny doesn't mean I'll let just let anyone hit it. I admire your eager willingness and persistence though...call me! ***Sincere question-2:00am posting for "car date". How does that play out? Do I come pick you up at your parent's house? I really want to know. »»Older4Younger- All you sexy older dudes-I didn't forget you. You make me juicy and squishy too. With your salt n pepper hair and the confidence that only experience brings. You know who you are (50's but look 30/lawyer/doctor/professor/generous/and my personal favorite "Daddy"). Let's be real, if you want to taste that 18yo twat, or throw that tight little white cotton'd panty ass over your knee, you're probably gonna have to pony up something of value-ball game or concert tix/Adderall/Percs/tuition/rent/Coach purse/bail money for the 18yo BF. But you 50 and 60 somethings still got game. You make my thong wet when I catch you leering at my still high and firm 38C's. And baby, I am gonna take that ride as long as I can coz I know when I get to be your age, you "Daddy's" in my age group will be posting for the cheerleader/your 's BFF/Naughty Lolita. "must be18+ please"-of course ***Sincere question- does that whole Daddy/ scenario work? Do you really get a college coed with the various offers extended? I really want to know. »»Massage-Now about all those unselfish offers for "no reciprocation" massages. I couldn't get my ex husband to give me a 5 minute back rub. And even if it was begrudgingly delivered, there was always an expectation of some activity involving his hard cock to follow immediately at the stroke of minute 6. And here you are my CL sweeties offering me hours of relaxing sensual bliss asking nothing in return for your trouble. Hey, wait just a minute here, are you trying to get me naked? Are you hoping I will get horny as you knead my tense office weary body with your strong hands? Are you praying I will respond to your angry veined pole pushing between my round ass cheeks as you straddle my back (to thoroughly get all the kinks out of my shoulders)? You are plotting to get "something" massaged sailor-no free lunch here. I'm on to you...cheeky devil »»For all you "sexually ambiguous" lads-M4F, M4WW, M4MW, M4M, M4T, M4Zoo animal-I get it you just want to lay some tube. I am not here to judge, but will make a suggestion; you may want to wait, oh I don't know, maybe 20 mins between posts? If I see 5 posts all in a row by you stating the various combinations (see above) of fuck buddies you'll consider, I get confused. Also if I see you looking for a dude or any ol' hole to shoot that delicious load into, I will feel that my tight little pink flower isn't "special". »»Please no fakes or "bots"-Do you really think the scammers and pros care if you indicate they are not welcome to respond to your ad? I can hear the exchange now… "Hey, luv2suck18?" "Yes, what is it analvirgin21?" I don't think I'll try to fleece this one out of his credit card no. I mean he did say please and all". I do get that you are spammed endlessly my sexy cyber fuck buddies, really I get it. The only thing that happens when you include all those protestations over and over in your ad and bolded in the title is make me fast forward past your ad. All that “wankin” makes you sound angry or whiney. VERY un-sexy and an all around buzz kill. I am sorry to be so harsh with you my cyber pet, but it is for your own good. Again, we are looking to get our dicks sucked more, right? Your online chick ALWAYS has your back. Related sidebar: With regards to above…Please don't ask me for all kinds of crazy pics that prove I am truly a chick or "real". Like taking a self shot of a piece of paper with your name written on it laying on my boob. Likewise I won’t be taking a photo of myself holding a fork (true story). Again and I cannot emphasize this enough…un-sexy and a buzz kill. A few notes regarding pics... Huge personal favor-could you please indicate your age when posting ad for online sex/dirty story/pic swap? I had this HOT filthy exchange going for weeks. This dude sent me his photos of his cock taken from every possible angle. The last pic I got was an "upshot" where his face was in the frame. He looked about 13! Damn! I felt like fucking PERV! True story. What's up with indicating you have attached a pic in your ad, I scroll down in horny anticipation and see a fucking image of a sunset/teddy bear/flower or some similar stupid shit. Or worse yet a pic of you pounding the last CL trollop you hooked up with. Wait a minute….is she hot? Hmmm I have read comments from women (posers and wanna-be CL Junkies) complaining that they are sick of only seeing photos of dick. MEN-PAY NO ATTENTION! For the love of God, you keep right on displaying your junk. What would the internet (nay-the world?!) be without your swollen, fat head, vein popping, raging hard cock shots. DAMN-that’s why I come to the CL gallery, to worship at the shrine of all that is penis. Wurd. Special request of our brave military men looking for love on CL-YES! Salute me with your proud and tall fuck-meat in your ad, but why not include a pic of you in uniform as well? Yummmy. Unless of course it would be some kind of security infraction. Top secret...need to know basis. (I won't tell) ***Sincere question-do all men who post on CL have MONSTER/OMFG/that’s gotta hurt/you want to put that WHERE genitalia? Is there a minimum size requirement to post? Some sort of "cock-o-meter"? Who measures/confirms? Any job openings? I really want to know. ***Another sincere question-why all the ads asking for pics/pic swap? I am dying to send you any of the many hot pics of me I keep stored in the dark hidden folders of my BB. But my why my tasty CL voyeurs? Why, when the web is full of free porn pics. all day long. I REALLY need to know. Well I could go on and on my sexy boyz of CL fantasy, perhaps I will post a follow up in the future. So very much more to say. I thank you for your kind attention and indulgence and will leave you with... Random, nit picky little shit and phrases that can annoy the piss out of me (you’ll thank me later for my candor when you are getting more deep throat and cock in ass action then you every dreamed of...or advertised for! "Get at me" or "hit me back" this screams-I am 15 with pimples and braces. "Just seeing what's out there" (out where?) "BBC" -you black dudes get me worked up and dripping. But sorry, it makes me think of British telly-you know all those hella boring shows like Masterpiece Theater and Jane Austin. (ain't nothin sexy goin on there). “Here kitty kitty". Yawn-so original. Lame much? It’s a PUSSY/CUNT/SNATCH anything else, I’m begging. Likewise any “cute” ad title that indicates you are an expert pussy licker…really???? “Free sex/massage/licking”- I guess you haven't heard<b>...chicks </font></b>NEVER have to pay for any of that. I mean even the F’Ugly ones. Jus sayin. XOXOXO Please read my blog The Sapiophiles Sapiogurl |
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Dont like Craigslist
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Is it wrong to say I love your wit and candor. I can see why this was voted for Best of CL. Keep on being you I love it lol. Not that ya wanted a fugly dorky perv for a fan but ya have one now! Keep writing your filthy fuck stories they are better than the ones i have here on my blog (mine tend to be more tease while yours are well....cold shower inspiring lol) PS for the record all of us guys CL or not have monster/OMFG size and the ones that say they do and dont well they make guys like me look bad i mean come on just because I have a 30" cock doesnt mean i dont have feelings, Just ask my assistant who oversees my unicorn and rainbows ranch when I am not modeling underwear or performing brain surgery. Come on I mean why do I save the rain forest with my bare hands and rescue babies and puppies every day. Some people smear the good name of those that only tell the truth on the internet.
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wild as hell
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2/17/2016 3:27 pm |
That's crazy lol
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Too fuckin funny and going to save this for future reading enjoyment. Thanks for sharing .  
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One of the best Blogs i've seen in a long time.Keep up the great writing.
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2/17/2016 5:39 pm |
OMG SG i have read your blogs and they were the best, articulate, most interesting reading i have encountered on here. Bravo you are a definetly a sapiosexual woman, more than GURL. you have a exceptional variety in your writing and styles, and to be able to add the sharp wit and smartassness into your stories, very unique. I dont fit all of your profile but some of it, married, live north of waterville, you did not mention being a wiseass smartass with a sharp wit with a dirty sexy mind was a bad thing? Keep up the great stories so i can have my over 5'9" body ( i did not say how far over) relish in your sexy prose. Have a great day!!!!
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