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| Blogs > Nuke_N_Naughty > Adventures of Idahonuke |
Insecurities and Expecations
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Insecurities and Expecations For those of you who know me personally, you are probably well aware that my girlfriend and I have become a swinging FWB couple in the not-so-distant past. We don't really have a whole lot of experience with the swinging lifestyle together, so it is probably fairly easy to understand that (probably like most couples who are just starting out in the lifestyle) we have had some issues along the way. Now that we have a little bit of experience under our belt and have learned quite a few things along the way, I thought I would take a minute to share some of the things that we have learned just in case it might help anyone out there that might also be going through some of the same things or might have something to add to this based on what they have learned on their journey through the lifestyle. As we began our journey into the lifestyle, it should come as no surprise that each one of us had our own separate issue that was holding us back from fully enjoying ourselves and having the fun that we both really wanted to have. Her main issue was her insecurities with how others viewed her and whether or not anyone would find her attractive enough to play with. Her fears and insecurities caused her to be really standoffish at the first two parties that we hosted here at my home. Most people caught on to that, naturally, and didn't pursue her, which only made things worse, truthfully. So after 2 parties and not feeling like she was getting anywhere or making any progress, she went out on a limb and decided to bare her soul to our group of friends here with the following group post: standoffish or insecure. She received a LOT of great words of wisdom and encouragement from numerous people and everyone one of them was greatly appreciated. However, the thing that really helped out the most was when the male half of a couple that we were both very attracted to reached out to her to personally let her know how attractive he thought she was and how much he wanted to play with her from the first time that he had seen her at the first party we hosted, but, as mentioned before, he could tell that she wasn’t quite ready for it and had some issues that she was dealing with. So they made arrangements to meet up, so he could show her just how much he wanted to play with her. In addition to some really great sex, they also had really great conversations that really helped her deal with her insecurities and made her feel so much better about moving forward in the lifestyle. We were both very grateful to both of them for helping her so much. My issue was a little bit different than hers, but no less of an issue with us moving forward together. As a result of my Type A personality, I had internally set certain expectations for each of the encounters that we had engaged in and when some of those expectations were not met or things just didn’t go the way I had envisioned the would go, I got upset with myself and the situation, which just made it that much harder for the next encounter. It was my beautiful and wise girlfriend, Nancy, who finally got me to see that the source of my frustrations was my own preconceived notions of how things should go and the expectations that I had set not only for myself, but for others as well. She got me to see that I need to set aside the expectations and just enjoy myself. So last weekend we had our third party here at the house and it was a really good test for us to gage how well we had dealt with our individual issues. I am happy to say that we both had a really good time and it went well for us both. Now we are both looking forward to continuing our education and furthering our learning in the lifestyle so we can keep growing together. We want to personally thank everyone out there who offered words of encouragement and wisdom to us both in this process. We hope to be able to take what we have learned and share it with others in the future. Dennis (Idahonuke) To read about myongoing adventures and journey into the lifestyle: [blog Idahonuke] |
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I have discovered that by giving in and asking questions i get the feed back i need Nastynancy22
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Thanks for sharing.
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Thanks for sharing. Those are some very real problems. I got into swinging as a single first, and then together as a couple quite a long time ago. I remember the first time adding other people into the mix, I was still so young (especially mentally) I didn't really think about, or care even, about the repercussions. I was just focussed on having fun, and pushing the envelope, so to speak. Those relationships didn't last. Only much, much later, when I was in a more stable, mature relationship, that I got really worried about a lotta things. Mostly insecurities. I was worried my partner at the time would enjoy the other girl more than he did me. That I'd get chuck aside while he had his fun. He was worried the other guy'd pleasure me more than he did. Similar issues, more insecurities on our own end.  Good one
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