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| Blogs > HisDirtyBrat > Blogs/Erotica/Banter/Nonsense |
A dream so real...
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A dream so real... I was taking a much needed nap earlier, and had the most real dream ever. So real, that when I woke up, I had to go search my apartment to see if "he" was here. All I remember is... I am staying some hotel, its busy, I get to my room, and as I am walking in my phone goes off. A text message. I put my bags down and look at my phone. Its HIM! My ex! My heart starts racing and I am holding my breath. His text read something along the lines that he was thinking of me, missed me and wanted to see me. Then another text came through and it said I guess you don't care about me anymore, you haven't responded. I respond immediately with "I do! I do miss you. Where are you? IS this for real? Come see me." Now how he would be able to come see me, I have no idea, I was staying in a hotel for some work thing that I vaguely remember, and was not in IL at the time. IDK. Damn dreams. So another text comes thru saying he is on his way. Dumbfounded. I am just about to sit down on my couch in my hotel room and there is a knock at the door. Now, I had just<b> traveled </font></b>and was a mess, hot sweaty mess. I open the door and there he is standing, looking handsome as ever. I got weak in my knees and barely made out the words "oh my god...you're here.....umm come in....forgive me I look like a mess---" And he walks in, cuts me off and with his arms wrapping around me he began kissing me. I started to feel faint and grabbed on to him so not to fall down. He leads me to the couch where we sit and talk. I ask "How? Umm, why after all this time? Its been almost 2 yrs...what about Jamie (his wife)?" He says that she has no clue and some other things I don't clearly remember, but the feeling I got was she wasn't far away. I was in shock still, not knowing what to do or say. I mean, I wanted to just rip his clothes off and fuck him, but then I also wanted to cry and just talk about everything that has been in my head for the last 2 yrs...all my questions get answered and I tell him how miserable without him I have been. My dream happens fast. Next thing I remember is we are messing around, I lovingly and happily blew him. He started to go at me, to take my clothes off and continue but I stopped him saying we couldn't. He said that is ok, for now and he gets up to go to the bathroom. I hear the water running in the shower and he calls for me to join him. I do. The next thing I remember is him and I on the couch again talking and he says something about how we need to get to the dining hall for dinner before its too late. I ask "Are you afraid someone will see you with me and Jamie finds out?" He said he isn't worried. So as we are walking out of my hotel room, my phone rings. Its her...his wife. I squeak out "Umm, hi, what can I do for you?" She tells me "You do know we have 2 babies right? Is he with you?" As I am saying, congrats to them on their babies, he takes the phone from my hands and hangs it up. He takes my hand, throws my phone on the couch and he leads me out of the hotel room and we make our way to the dining hall. We get a table and we order food, I don't remember eating. We are seen by someone, I don't recognize them, but get that feeling in my stomach we should be worried. I ask him "I am scared you are going to get caught with me, we should go. I want to talk, and I don't want this to end." He says "Its not going to end. I am not going back to her. Its you. It has always been you. I just needed to time to realize what my heart already knew, I guess. I love you Shannon. I always have, always will." I begin crying, quietly. Tears streaming down my face that has the biggest smile upon my lips. But as my heart is jumping for joy, my stomach is achy, in fear, worry this isn't real. He takes my hand and kisses it and says "lets go!" We get back to my hotel room and there, we walk into a quiet bedroom, he stands in front of me, kisses the tip of my nose and says "How did I ever get so lucky?" (He used to say this all of the time to me). He brushes the hair from my face, tells me he missed me so much and he was sorry he put me through so much pain and torment. He promised to make it up to me every day all day for the rest of our lives. And then I woke up.  I swear this dream was so real. I woke up, my heart was pounding, I was sweaty and all I could think was "where is he?" as I got up and checked my bedroom, the bathroom and my office. And of course, he wasn't there. Cause he will never be there. I am just a stupid woman still in love with a man I cannot have, nor will I ever be able to have. I am a woman who misses a man that turned my world upside down and now I can't get past it. Maybe this is why I am still single? I have tried putting myself out there, but then always find reason to stray away or let the initial spark of a new interest, fizzle out. I don't know. I am talking silly now. Bottom line is this, YES...I still love Chad, my ex. He is who ALL My blogs are about. The "CW" is him...his former name here "Chicagowood". I miss him every day. I wish I could just see his smile again, hear his voice, his laugh...and just talk. I just want to talk about all that happened and know wtf went wrong or whatever. Having said that, I do want to find my partner in life. I want to find a man whom I can connect with again, feel safe with and love again. I just am beginning to think it will never happen. So far, every man I have talked to or met has been fake from who I originally spoke to, or lied/played games, or the spark/chemistry just wasn't there. Am I doomed to be alone for good?  Such a pretty face, but such a dirty mind!  |
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