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Penis,Condoms and other Jokes
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Penis,Condoms and other Jokes Mmm that title did not come out so well  . It is Sunday, time to rest. So lets just share some jokes and funny stories. Really is no subject so what ever you like, sexy, silly or informative (or as informative as a joke can be  ) Here is my first offering.Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a mans’ penis is larger than the shaft. The study took two years and cost over $1.2 million. The study concluded that the reason the head of a man’s penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with more pleasure during sex. After the results were published, France decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. They were convinced that the results of the British study was incorrect. After three years of research at a cost of in excess of $2 million, the French researchers concluded that the head of a man’s penis is larger than the shaft to provide the woman with more pleasure during sex. When the results of the French study were released, Australia decided to conduct their own study. The Aussies didnt really trust British or French studies. So, after nearly three hours of intensive research and a cost of right around $75.00 ( 3 cases of beer), the Aussie study was complete. They concluded that the reason the head on a man’s penis is larger than the shaft is to prevent your hand from flying off and hitting you in the forehead  |
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A blonde woman is walking down the street, with her blouse open. A cop is approaching from about a block away, thinking, "Boy, my eyes must be going, it looks like that woman's right breast is hanging out." As he gets closer it becomes apparent that her breast is hanging out. When he gets face to face with her he says, "Ma'am, are you aware I could cite you for indecent exposure?" She says, "Why, officer?" "Well, your breast is hanging out." She looks down and says "OMIGOD, I left the baby on the bus!" [image]
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Thank you, It is my daily mission to bring a bit of levity. I hope your weekend has been good. School Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Johnny says " Mas-ter-bate." Ms Hall smiles and says, "Wow, little Johnny, that’s a mouthful." Little Billy says, "No, Miss Hall, you’re thinking of a blowjob."
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Train Ride A man with 8 children is traveling by train. A lady asked: "Are they your children?" Man: "No Madam! Actually I am the owner of a condom company and they are the complaints of my customers." [image]
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Why are all so-called 'dumb blonde' jokes one-liners? So men can understand them!
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Why are all so-called 'dumb blonde' jokes one-liners? So men can understand them!  Blonde Cookbook MONDAY: The recipe for today is angel food cake. You have to beat 12 eggs separately, so I'm lucky the neighbors had some extra bowls to let me borrow. TUESDAY: Fruit salad supper, serve without dressing. I didn't get dressed at all, as per recipe, and what a surprise when my boyfriend brought his friends home for supper. WEDNESDAY: Rice pilaf, wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. I took a good bath and washed very thoroughly, even between my toes. The taste of the rice was same as last time for some reason, so washing doesn't seem to help. THURSDAY: New salad recipe for a change. Prepare ingredients by laying a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. I was rolling around in the garden laying on the lettuce heads for one hour and then I got sunburned. FRIDAY: Being Friday, it's great to try some treats, so today it's time to make cookies. The recipe calls for placing the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. I beat it to the grocery store to pick up some more milk, came back, but nothing happened to the ingredients I placed in the bowl. I ended up throwing the whole thing out, what a waste. SATURDAY: My boyfriend's parents came to our house and stayed for dinner. I wanted to serve roast but we only had hamburgers in the freezer. I put the hamburgers in the oven, and set the dial to roast. Unfortunately, the taste was still almost exactly like hamburger, just a bit roasted. This has been a great time cooking and I'm having a lot of fun. I can't wait until we buy a new and much bigger oven, because I want to surprise my boyfriend with chocolate mousse.
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Those are great!!!! This is one good way to start a Sunday morning with a chuckle or two Little Johnny walked in one day on his daddy in the bathroom. He asked his father what that was hanging between his legs. His father replied that it was the perfect penis. The next day at school, Johnny pulled his pants down in front of his classmates. ''What's that?'' asked Jenny. ''Well,'' said Johnny, ''if it was about 3 inches smaller, it would be the perfect penis [image]
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funny stats.... “Life is available only in the present moment.” Thich Nhat Hanh Come and read my blog! Become a watcher! veryfunnycple64 
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Moaning at your joke. Mmm Maybe you better keep your "day job: Now as to your remark,, that does show abit of the "naughty " there
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Thank you Maybe would have been better to title this ,,,SILLY SUNDAY Married for 20 Years There was a couple who were married for 20 years, and every time they had sex the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was stupid. She figured she would break him of the crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of doing it, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a dildo. She gets completely upset, and screams, "You impotent bastard," she screamed at him, "How could you be lying to me all of these years. You better explain yourself!" The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says, calmly, "I'll explain the dildo if you can explain our three kids."
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funny stats.... [image]
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Joe was a successful lawyer, but as he got older he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. When his career and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help. After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across an old country doctor who solved the problem. "The good news is I can cure your headaches... the bad news is that it will require castration." You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles." Joe was shocked and depressed. He woundered if he had anything to live for. He couldn’t concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men’s clothing store and thought, "that’s what I need .. a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I’d like a new suit." The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let’s see... size 42 long." Joe laughed, "That’s right, how did you know?" "Been in business 60 years!" Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "how about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said "sure..." The salesman eyed Joe and said "let’s see...34 sleeves and...16 and a half neck." Joe was suprised, "that’s right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years" Joe tried one the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Joe adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked "how about some new shoes?" Joe was on a roll and said "sure!" The salesman eyed Joe’s feet and said "Let’s see... 10-1/2...E." Joe said astonished, "that’s right, how did you know?" "Been in business 60 years!" Joe tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked "how about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a second and said, "sure!" The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe’s waist and said "Let’s see... size 36." Joe laughed, "Ah ha! I got you I’ve worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old." "The salesman shook his head, "you can’t wear a size 34, it will press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache." [image]
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@PassionCork Love the cheese sandwich joke!
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Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke He asks the other guy if he has a lighter He replies "Yes I do!" and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter Surprised the guy asks "Where did you get this?" The guy replies "Oh I have a personal genie." The first man asks "Can I make a wish? " Sure says the other man "Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at hearing" "Ok I will" says the other as he rubs the lamp a genie appears and asks the man what he wants The man says " I want a Million Bucks " The genie says OK and goes back to his bottle and 10 seconds later a million ducks fly over head And the guy says to the other " Your genie realy sucks at hearing doesnt he?" The other man replies "I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC" [image]
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  hilarious ty Pal for the laugh need this one hugs VBecome a blog watcher sweet_vm
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hilarious ty Pal for the laugh need this one hugs VA woman is on one of those funeral cruises where the ashes of loved ones may be dumped into the sea. She had been married to a real cheapskate, who after 30 years of marriage finally died. The lady had her husband cremated, at his wishes, because he felt a plot would cost too much. After the memorial services, she went to the railing and poured his ashes out into her hands and started talking to him. "Henry," she said, "you know that mink cape I wanted all my life? Well your company sold for so much that now I have bought myself a beautiful full length mink coat." "And Henry," she said, "you know that trip to the Caribbean I always wanted to take? Well, I took a world cruise for 90 days and it was wonderful!" "And Henry," she continued, "you know that big blue Cadillac I had been hoping for the last 5 years? Well I bought a Rolls Royce instead and it drives like a dream." "Oh, and Henry," she said, "you know that blow job you always wanted?" and she blew the ashes out of her hands into the sea . . 
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Funny stats too. Always makes you wonder. Called all about life. Become a blog watcher sweet_vm
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Funny stats too. Always makes you wonder. Called all about life. [image]
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Thank you,, always aim to please Q: What's the difference between a penis and a bonus? A: Your wife will always blow your bonus! Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? A: Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blowjob! Q: Why did God give men penises? A: So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up. Q: Why is being in the military like a blow-job? A. The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel. Q: What do you call a guy who cries while he masturbates? A: A tearjerker. Q: How can you tell which is the head nurse? A: She's the one with the dirty knees. Q: Why did the woman smile when she walked down the marriage aisle? A: She realized she gave her last blowjob. [image]
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All good conclusions, but in the end: It just is just bigger to open the passage wider! Romance her heart, tease her body, enjoy the company shared in bed n out! Treasure every moment spent together, in good times n bad! Cum visit my blog, you're always welcum! submokey Become a watcher! THINK PINK!
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You may like this one A newlywed couple returned to their apartment after being on their honeymoon. "Care to go upstairs and do it?" the husband asked. "Shh!" said the bride "All the neighbors will know what we're about to do. These walls are paper thin. In the future, we'll have to ask each other in code. For example, how about asking, 'Have you left the washing machine door open' instead?" So, the following night, the husband asks, "I don't suppose you left the washing machine door open, did you?" "No, I definitely shut it," replied the wife who rolled over and fell asleep. When she woke up however, she was feeling a little frisky herself and she nudged her husband and said, "I think I did leave the washing machine door open after all. Would you like to do some washing?" "No, thanks," said the husband. "It was only a small load so I did it by hand." [image]
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