2573 posts 12/4/2013 6:56 pm
Last Read:
12/6/2013 2:38 pm
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The Dating Game, Gardening, and the Day After
I was reading a post called [post 3285178] and it got me thinking about this dating game (I fear the day when I have to jump back into that pool. Really!!)
Was there an understanding that there would be more than sex? If I understand the stuff I've read on this site, a woman meeting a stranger for a first date is expecting a little decency, expecting to be treated with respect, and not like some one-night-stand (even when that’s all she’s interested in)!
Some guys, probably not knowing better, will behave just the way he normally behaves. And the lady will see this and think: “What a ‘knuckle-dragger!” Because, even though it’s just sex, she wants to be treated like a potential wife. Yet, after being treated like a potential-wife she might declare: “There’s no chemistry!” And the guy will be sent on his way. No sex!!
She won’t be bothered by that.
Another guy comes in trying to behave like a gentleman, knowing that if he doesn’t, he’s going home without “scoring.”
Some women sees this and start thinking “what a wonderful guy this is, and if the sex is good she starts looking forward to seeing him again. Therefore, she expects to hear from him almost immediately, not realizing that, now that he has got what he wanted, he can revert to type, which means being a Neanderthal.
She will be bothered by that.
Now she starts lashing out at all men because, as far as she’s concerned, she deserves better! Problem is, some guy might want to make that call but doesn’t want to seem like a stalker, so he has to wait and see what develops (I know this sounds comical or “fairy-taleish”, but this is being written by someone who was never well-practiced in the dating game, and who has not gone on a date in years).
So is there some kind of middle-ground to all of this? Do the ladies make the man aware that this is just a feeling out date, or are they two ships sailing on different oceans?
Don’t guys have the same fears: “Will she still want to see me if the first sex isn’t so good? Will she be bothered if I call her too soon? Does she realize that men have feelings too?
Here’s what I know (having worked in offices with women who love to share their business with anyone who will listen): This dating thing (especially on Couples Dating) seems to reek of “double-standardism” where the women expect to behave one way and then call you names for behaving the same way.
It's like you're interviewing for an office position but they take you out into the garden and start asking about your gardening skills; so now you relax and start telling them all you know about growing plants; you plow the soil, maybe even cut some of the grass, plant a few seeds and irrigate the soil, and you think you've got it all covered.
Next thing you know, you're being notified that you couldn't fit into the office (that you didn't know about) and that they will be interviewing someone else for the job!
Kinda confusing, yeah?
Hey! I’m not saying I’m right (WTF do I know?), and if I’m wrong I’m sure someone will set me straight.
What I’m writing here is based on the many blogs I’ve read written by our female members; mostly their words, which in turn colors my thought on how guys act after being introduced to the garden of heavenly pleasures! |
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41171 posts 12/6/2013 9:57 am |
The first 24 hours after a date or sex is critical! It's a problem (or issue or opportunity) for both men and women. 
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4122 posts 12/6/2013 2:20 pm |
I think you have it all right. It's to easy for there to be misunderstandings in situations like these. And as to the lack of respect, it's only common sense, which seems to be missing a lot in today's society.
Yes, there might be disappointment occasionally, but I would assume you move on.
The one thing I've always worried about is if the lady is just trying to be polite (but not interested in seeing you again) how do you know your attention is no longer required. You don't want to seem like a 'stalker,' but you also don't want to show disinterest (in case she's waiting to see if you'll take the initiative).
I wonder if it's just a "gut-feeling." Doesn't one need more than that?
Thank you for your response. I do find it interesting; and thanks for coming by!
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4122 posts 12/6/2013 2:32 pm |
As I said, I'm so happy to be out of that game! At the same time I have to admit that it is fun watching the game being played and laughing at the missteps made.
It used to be amusing, though painful, when I recalled something stupid I might have said on a date, then when I get home the embarrassment falls on me like a ton of bricks.
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4122 posts 12/6/2013 2:37 pm |
Quoting spunkycumfun:
The first 24 hours after a date or sex is critical! It's a problem (or issue or opportunity) for both men and women.
I remember I sent flowers, after a first date, to a girl I really liked. It was an 'arranged" date by a friend of mine she worked with.
He came back and told my friends about it (while we were playing cards) and embarrassment is a 'tame word to describe what I went through At the time I was young enough to consider it a classy move.
Things like these are why I celebrate not having to date anymore; I never know what the correct behavior is supposed to be.
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