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All organic and natural grown Advice today
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All organic and natural grown Advice today Well it is a monday (my phone tells me so) and that means a nice little advice column for us today. I have placed the advice giving hat firmly on my head and away we go. Today first question comes from that entertaining fellow phaedrus61616. He writes what's the deal with<b> woman wanting </font></b>us to time our orgasms (if she has one, I'm not that good) so we cum at the same time? Women can have several orgasms during a session, how the frick I'm I supposed to know which one I'm shooting for? First of all i had to do research all week to find out that women have the ability to come more than once a session. After i had kicked every that i could find and railed against the heavens for short changing us men (if you saw my cock you get the short changing gag) i got down to work. That work involved figuring out how the whole mutual orgasm thing got popular. I am sure it involves the media as usual. Probably some fabio covered book where "the sweaty bodies crested together" and "their lovemaking was so divine baby pandas and unicorns shot out across the world" In the world of the arachnid be happy that you got an orgasm out of her. Be very happy and proud if you get can get multiples. And if she gives you static tell her "my orgasm is like the wild stallion, untameable and on its own timetable" that may keep her quiet about it for a while. Our second question is as follows. I want to see my husband suck a dick. It turns me on and i want to make it happen. Any ideas? The first idea i have is if he is totally hetero and macho then i believe your question read "i want to make my husband divorce me." If your husband has had bi tendencies or curiosity then you are on better footing. I would suggest that before you just throw you lovers dick into his chops that you ease your way into with maybe him sucking a toy. There is a humiliation at work here and springing your latest secret crush on him may also end up with legal paperwork. Try a MFM threesome with a bi guy. Bottom line though is should talk to your husband about your desire before you try making it happen. Our final question is a doozy and i saved it for last. I hooked up with this chick last night at the bar. She blew me in the parking lot and then let me fuck her ass. I wanna try to see her again but she was kinda ugly looking and didn't know how to do her makeup. I am sorry i cant hear you over the song LOLA by the kinks playing in my head. If i may be so blunt because you sound like you are young and dumb. Dude you fucked a guy.You got taken in by the last call transvestite and he got what he was looking for. They are like reverse hetero guys. They get what they want (your cock) and get the fuck out. You will be lucky if you see him again. Now before you kill yourself or go on a rampage because your precious masculinity was shaken. Smarten up. You got a great blowjob and some anal. Up until two minutes ago you have fucked an ugly chick. Get over it. And if you really want to go again with this guy don't get so drunk and start looking at last call at your bar. There is nothing to be ashamed off, and by the sounds of it the sex was good. That is all from the advice column today. Send your questions in and i will try to answer them for you. Tune in for the 24 hour project as well. Fun days are coming. |
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12/19/2011 8:29 am |
my orgasm is like the wild stallion, untameable and on its own timetable Thanks for more sage advice. You have become my Oracle of Delphi. The next time I hear "cum with me" I'll throw out this line and cum any damn time I like. Woman, you're not the boss of me. Good call on the transvestite. "I know I'm a man and so is Lola".
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my orgasm is like the wild stallion, untameable and on its own timetable Thanks for more sage advice. You have become my Oracle of Delphi. The next time I hear "cum with me" I'll throw out this line and cum any damn time I like. Woman, you're not the boss of me. Good call on the transvestite. "I know I'm a man and so is Lola".
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the only control we have over orgasms is that they come out of us. we rarely keep them internal.
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my orgasm is like the wild stallion, untameable and on its own timetable Thanks for more sage advice. You have become my Oracle of Delphi. The next time I hear "cum with me" I'll throw out this line and cum any damn time I like. Woman, you're not the boss of me. Good call on the transvestite. "I know I'm a man and so is Lola". I mean really- who would believe that Phaedrus could actually make a woman have multiple orgasms? HAHAHAHAHA! That's hilarious!! (P: That's for giving me shit about the Saints and Packers) When it comes to sex, I need a STRONG connection. Otherwise, the page just keeps buffering and takes FOREVER to load...
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I was laughing on the first one. Damn. Exactly. I don't know when "simultaneous orgasm" became such a big deal. I like them staggered, I get to concentrate on getting her there, then it's my turn. And since she can have several, I'm gonna share one of my mildest kinks: Getting her to the point where she is begging for a break... worn out, sweaty, loose, wet, and maybe even gaping a bit and only THEN is it my turn. There's something special about the way it feels when I slide in, every nerve worked to a state of ragged extreme sensitivity.  Yeah, that's one of my mildest kinks. If you directed my tongue to your pleasure then my it wouldn't be in my cheek .
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Spider, you are one funny mofo. My eyes are watering from laughing so hard! I mean really- who would believe that Phaedrus could actually make a woman have multiple orgasms? HAHAHAHAHA! That's hilarious!! (P: That's for giving me shit about the Saints and Packers)
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I was laughing on the first one. Damn. Exactly. I don't know when "simultaneous orgasm" became such a big deal. I like them staggered, I get to concentrate on getting her there, then it's my turn. And since she can have several, I'm gonna share one of my mildest kinks: Getting her to the point where she is begging for a break... worn out, sweaty, loose, wet, and maybe even gaping a bit and only THEN is it my turn. There's something special about the way it feels when I slide in, every nerve worked to a state of ragged extreme sensitivity. Yeah, that's one of my mildest kinks.
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I have got to remember not to read this damn column when I have somethin in my mouth. LMFAO....Dear Spidey...syndicated nationwide. LOL
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I have got to remember not to read this damn column when I have somethin in my mouth. LMFAO....Dear Spidey...syndicated nationwide. LOL
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i can picture you with one of those clickers from bars just clicking away until you reach ten then pushing him (or her) off of you. lol
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Here's a wee bit of education for you Spidey...Women get to have multiple orgasms because we have to endure 9 months of pregnancy and then hours of "beautiful" birth. It's only fair we get something "special" for THAT. I'm with wittykitty28...who cares? LOL I make mistakes, I am out of control & at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. ~Marilyn
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Here's a wee bit of education for you Spidey...Women get to have multiple orgasms because we have to endure 9 months of pregnancy and then hours of "beautiful" birth. It's only fair we get something "special" for THAT. I'm with wittykitty28...who cares? LOL
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Have you ever seen a guy with an extremely bent or sharply angled cock? That's the repercussions one can expect from achieving a simultaneous orgasm with a woman. For the female, it’s roast beef appearing vaginal lips. The male semen and the female ejaculate both attempt to occupy the same space/time position at once, causing an internal shock wave and massive structural damage to both parties involved. I highly recommend that each participant achieve orgasm at separate times, thus reducing the chances of Crooked Cock or Lousy Labia. Neither of those conditions is covered by any known medical insurance.
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Have you ever seen a guy with an extremely bent or sharply angled cock? That's the repercussions one can expect from achieving a simultaneous orgasm with a woman. For the female, it’s roast beef appearing vaginal lips. The male semen and the female ejaculate both attempt to occupy the same space/time position at once, causing an internal shock wave and massive structural damage to both parties involved. I highly recommend that each participant achieve orgasm at separate times, thus reducing the chances of Crooked Cock or Lousy Labia. Neither of those conditions is covered by any known medical insurance.
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Thank-you Spidermate. If I ever win the lottery, Canada just may get 1 new resident. Is it OK if I don't watch hockey?
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Thank-you Spidermate. If I ever win the lottery, Canada just may get 1 new resident. Is it OK if I don't watch hockey?
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Is it also OK if I don't watch football? (should I just go ahead and list all spectaturd sports at once?)
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oh what a dream that would be. me sitting there next to the comics in your local paper. my arachnid heart sings. i was hoping it was liquid in your mouth and not a body part. that would be bad.
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Is it also OK if I don't watch football? (should I just go ahead and list all spectaturd sports at once?)
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A body part? Yes---it would be oh so very bad. And a true tragedy and waste. I wonder if anyon ever did that and I don't mean Lorena Bobbitt...
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yeah i gotta say that OSB had a seriously funny take on it. i havent laughed out loud like that for a while. they actually sound like bad wrestlers too.
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Have you ever seen a guy with an extremely bent or sharply angled cock? That's the repercussions one can expect from achieving a simultaneous orgasm with a woman. For the female, it’s roast beef appearing vaginal lips. The male semen and the female ejaculate both attempt to occupy the same space/time position at once, causing an internal shock wave and massive structural damage to both parties involved. I highly recommend that each participant achieve orgasm at separate times, thus reducing the chances of Crooked Cock or Lousy Labia. Neither of those conditions is covered by any known medical insurance. Can't wait for the drug commercials for Crooked Cock and Lousy Labia. Either that, or they're superhero ideas that never quite made the cut at Marvel Comics...Great post!
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Spidey, the advice line is comic gold, and the follow-up comments are priceless! Can't wait for the drug commercials for Crooked Cock and Lousy Labia. Either that, or they're superhero ideas that never quite made the cut at Marvel Comics...Great post!
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