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Thank You..From a long time ago
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Thank You..From a long time ago My friends, I wish to address this letter in an open forum so as to include everyone whom I have spoken to since my return. As most of you know, I have been absent as of late. My recent experience overseas was not what I had imagined or had ever encountered before and it has left me feeling somewhat at a loss for words; or at least the ability to vocalize them to the extent that I had wished. I have missed talking to all of you and look forward to doing so in the near future but I still have some issues within myself to resolve beforehand. I did want to thank you all for the good wishes and thoughts that I have received in the past few weeks. Although I may not have expressed it at the time, they served to help keep me focused on what is going on in my life now rather than to dwell in the past and they were greatly appreciated. I know I have spoken to some of you in great detail about my experiences and for that I shall be forever grateful. You have listened to me as I vented and raged, and all the while, you responded only with compassion and caring. You lent me your shoulder to cry on and you have been there to just be with me as I try to make sense of it all. I cannot begin to tell you what a few lines on a computer screen could possibly mean when all I wanted was to hide myself away and forget. Your patience has helped me to understand, and even though we may never meet, I shall always remember. I wrote a letter to my before I left, to be given to her in the event of my death. I would like to share one paragraph because I believe it is fitting to those of you as well: "You shall not fully understand why I had to leave you; only that I did. But your spirit is strong and your light will shine within you. You cannot understand; nor shall I, the forces of this world to be so great as to tear apart the aspirations of thousands in but a fleeting second and cause sorrow and unimaginable horror for people such as we. It is this sorrow that we seek to quench and in its place; leave the memory that someone remembered and shed blood that their life might someday be fulfilled as I have been so fortunate to share." I have been fortunate to know each of you and to call you my friend. And you, in your own way, have helped quenched the sorrow and sadness that I returned with. Although I struggle with it still and know that I shall never be completely free of the images and feelings I came away with, I have learned that the true nature of friendship is not in the success of the fight but in the sharing of the struggle. My career in Search And Rescue has now come to a close and I pass the banner of my cause to the next. But I can now sleep a little deeper knowing that we finished the task at hand with the outcome we had prayed for; that my teammates and I returned home safely to their friends and family with the knowledge that at least in some way, we did make a difference. For that, I will always be thankful to the men and women with whom I have had the privilege of serving. I shall forever keep them close to my heart and I am honored to have you stand next to them. God bless you all. This letter has been reposted in an attempt to quiet the demons that we all sometimes carry. UPDATE My friends, Let me once again say thank you. Your comments and well wishes have yet again given me strength and encouragement. Id like to tell you about an incident that happened to me a few days after I posted this letter. I was in my regular room and was chatting with a relatively new person to the room. He seemed like a nice enough guy and although I've been known to not be too welcoming to newbies sometimes, we chatted along. As the conversation went on, I soon discovered that my new chat mate was from the same region as the village that fills my dreams and memories. He actually helped build some of the schools in the area. Now, I'v not spoken to anyone from that area since my return, nor did I ever expect to. I sat there looking at the screen, tears forming in my eyes, almost afraid to say anything. What DO I say? Its not often that I find myself at a loss for words, but as my mind began to fill with the images of the past.One question stood out screamed out for me to ask. Did it make a difference? Was what we went through what my friends went through worth the cost? This one question, above all others, has haunted me for years. I NEVER expected that I would one day get an answer. His answer was a simple one. "Absolutely, you made a difference. From my entire nation, I thank you, Sir." As you can probably imagine, by this time I was crying like a baby. That one statement erased years of doubt and pain caused by the wonder of..Had we done enough? Did it really matter with so many others gone?.....A hundred different what-ifs. My memories are what they are. That cannot ever be changed. They will always be a part of me and have forever changed who I am. My frustration, anger, remorsefulness and of the other emotions continue. But the doubt of was it enough. has greatly diminished. We did the best we could, and my statement.."that their life might someday be fulfilled as I have been so fortunate to share" has come to pass. It reminded me of the story about the boy and the starfish. A small boy and his father were walking along the beach when they came apun hundreds of starfish washed up on shore by a storm. The boy began picking them up and throwing them back into the ocean. His father watched for a minute before saying"what are you doing ?..You cant save them all. What differance does it make?"....The boy picked up a starfish and as he threw it back into the ocean, he said.."It matters to that one" The people of the town do still survive. They live, breathe and love.in the village that for so long, I tried to forget. For that, I am sorry. How foolish of me not to realize that they are also a part of me. As much a part of me, as I am them. Thank you friends Thank you ribbitt |
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