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Expectation Limbo~ how low can you go?
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Expectation Limbo~ how low can you go? Expectation Limbo~ how low can you go? My mother called me last night. Another glitch in her house selling/buying fiasco. She was very upset and the topic of expectations came up. Expectations. Those nasty little things that have the potential to set us up for failure, heart-break and disappointment. Expectations were brutal to me in my younger years. The most poignant work I have done around expectations was with my relationship with my father. I would have these expectations around him that he “should” know my birthday. That he “should” call me more often. That he “should” be the father and grandfather I expected him to be. What an epic fail that was for me. I would be so furious with him that we had a difficult time being close for many years. Until I realized that I was trying to change him. Attempting to fit my gypsy~bohemian~sailor father into a mold that would never work for him. In some sense I set him free. Free of my expectations. The chart below I’ve found to be very clarifying around the certain feelings that come up when we are personally attached to rigid expectations. All the feelings below are avoidable on some level if we have the self-awareness to identify the process and avoid the pitfalls that occur with these trains of thought. By doing this self work around my “daddy issues” I opened up a whole new relationship with my father. One of respect, admiration and genuine love. My dad is a rock star. He lives life on his own terms and anyone that has tried to chain him down with their expectations, well, they were in for a world of hurt. Now when he shows up I am always happy to see him as are my . We respect his life and enjoy his presence. This was a huge turning point for me in my life. I can’t say that I have let go of expectations, I am human after all, but since learning this lesson, I am much more practical and realistic about life and people. I have worked diligently on how to make this apply to all of my relationships, both platonic and intimate. In my relationship with my amazing St/Vk, we constantly have to do reality checks that measure our levels of expectations around each other and our actions. The reality check is very important between us. What do we want to have happen and what is the likely hood of that manifesting? Setting us and the people we are intimate with up for the best possible outcome(s). But life is not some predictable thing, is it? Life changes, feeling change. Change is the only constant. So how do we move forth with our personal expectations knowing that it is inevitable that there will be some kind of change? A certain level of spiritual growth has to happen here. You know the saying, everything happens for a reason? Well, apply that here. In my work, I ask people to develop their own personal surfboards so they can surf through the waves of life. The highs, the lows and the unexpected. By learning to detach from the outcomes and enjoy the moment seems impossible to do, but I urge you to experiment with it. Especially with the non monogamous relationship model, you have to check your reality/expectation ratio frequently. Meeting new people, dating, boundaries. It can all be overwhelming. In both the positive and negative forms of overwhelm. I am not trying to say don’t have expectations in general, just be mindful of what you manifest with them. Release the need to know and control the outcomes. I am painfully aware that this is easier said than done. The rage I used to feel around expectations was emotionally crippling for me. You don’t have to be Buddha or Eckhart Tolle to do this work! Be as realistically optimistic as you can. The glass is truly half full~ you choose your outcome! Much love as always~ xoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxox A/s ૐ P.S. Dream big~~~~ and keep it real! Alphasiren~ Swimming through the waters of non traditional relationships~  |
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