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Uninhibited
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Uninhibited It's funny that I'm only blogging these days to report on Rand's sex parties. What can I say? It's a challenge. I struggled with infidelity for years, then introduced swinging into a marriage that was kind of on the edge. That took some doing. But it worked. I'm happy now. Over the last few years, I've been dealing with the issues that come up when both my wife and I date other people. Sure, it's interesting, but there's nothing really new to talk about. Rand's parties are a challenge for me. While a group setting for sex may seem like a great idea to some, it's really impossible to meet everyone - to have a good connection, even if it's just visiting. There are too many distractions. If I meet a woman or a couple for drinks, for example, I can socialize very easily. In a crowd, it's hard. What I want to do more than anything is to have sex with a woman I meet at the party. I guess, to me, that kind of represents the ultimate social coup. To go from zero to naked in the span of an evening means I did something right. That's never THE goal for me. If I go to the party with an agenda like that, I wouldn't enjoy the party. But it's always at the back of my mind. It's what I want. Last night, yet again, that didn't happen. But what I couldn't find in social charm, I seemed to make up for in quantity. I had sex with no less than four women, which I'm sure is a record for me. In order, they were Cheryl, Janelle, Andrea, and Tricia. It was the first time I had ever had sex with Janelle. I've known her for over a year, but I don't see her very often. I asked her to have sex tonight, and she agreed, which I suppose is a bit of a small victory for my cause. However, I felt like it took me a long time to breach the subject, and, truthfully, I had about a million and one indicators from her that sex with me would be a pretty good thing. It's easy to ask when you're sure the answer will be "yes." Even then, I was wary. Having sex with someone new is great, but a<b> sex party </font></b>might not be the best place to do it. Even under the best circumstances, sex with a new partner can be awkward. Now picture having an audience. Luckily, we found a secluded spot in Rand's house, and it was good. Janelle came twice. "You're good," she told me. Compliments like that always surprise me, and that's part of my problem. I AM good. Why is it so blasted hard to have some self-confidence? She left with her husband, Chas, shortly after that. I hooked up with Andrea, who I feel extremely comfortable with, and who never ever seems to get tired of fucking. She's a machine. And, in that light, I had a bit of an epiphany last night. It seems a little weird to me that there isn't MORE fucking at Rand's parties. When everyone else seems to have settled down, I feel like I could still go a few more rounds. Andrea spends a LOT of time having sex for most of the duration of the party, and she doesn't apologize for it. The epiphany I had is hard to explain. Most people think they are over-sexed; that they think about it or want it more than "normal" people. Even in deviant circles, it's possible to feel extra deviant. I do have that voice in the back of my mind suggesting that maybe I want too much; that maybe I want more sex than is normal, and therefore I hold back in asking for it. But I realized that my kinky, deviant friends have reached their fill line for sex, and mine is just a little bit higher. And, as Andrea proves time and again - there's nothing wrong with that. Asking for what I want has always been a struggle for me, and, at one time, it was the reason I had an affair. I couldn't ask Tricia for the things I REALLY wanted, so I found someone else who I could ask. The whole episode was disastrous, and could have been avoided if I had just been a little more honest with my wife. I've learned that lesson really, really well since then, but there's still a mental block with me when it comes to communicating my desires. I feel like, if left completely uninhibited at a party, I would have a ton of sex, with both old friends and new. In other words, I would do what Andrea does. And yes, people DO comment about her sexual appetite, but mostly they claim envy. Andrea wants more. She wants it more than what is "normal." The difference between her and me is that she feels no shame, and she always has a wonderful time at Rand's. I had a wonderful time myself, really. I didn't feel like I completely opened up, but I felt much closer to being as open as I want to be. And, as mentioned, I really did have a lot of sex. Tricia was last. She was wearing high heels, black thigh-high stockings, panties, and nothing else. She looked so damn good to me that I had to have her. I came with her, and, after a few hours of build up, it was quite intense. Oddly, after we had each had so much sex with other people, the time with each other seemed particularly intimate. We each felt closer to each other. So Rand's parties are still very interesting to me. I learn much about myself when I step outside my comfort zone. Screwing myself stupid with a handful of hotties doesn't hurt either. I will be coming back for more. |
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Nice to hear from you even if it is only about Rands party. You are the way you are, and I bet 5 and 10 years from now, not much will change. Like me, you need some level of intimacy to have sex and I don't think there is anything wrong with that. It is also okay to be one of the masses envious of Andrea asking AND getting exactly how much she wants/desires. It's not supposed to be a competition. The fact that you are not as shy as you used to be and you do sleep with a select few and are looking for more within your comfort zone should be enough. I think you have made great strides since I have been reading your blog. AND, I think the reason you are a good lover IS because you have intimacy with your partner first. Random sex might be exciting but will never match intimate sex. Don't ya think? I wish I could read your other blog...I love your thought processes...but then you wouldn't be anonymous, would you? Duh! I have never met you, but miss our interaction. I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR MY OWN HAPPINESS!! (MY LIFE'S PHILOSOPHY)
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I like Andrea and her inhibitions. It reminds me of when I was in the lifestyle. My boyfriend at the time used to tell me that he worked out and ate well just to be able to keep up with me. I always looked at it as a great compliment as he did such a great job of it. Maybe that's why we were the perfect lifestyle partners.  If I have stopped by your blog, please be sure to sign my permission slip Pimp Me, Pimp My Blog, But Let Me Do The Same With You 
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