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Blogs > big_brown_eyes4 > I shaved my legs for this?

Oil changes...  

big_brown_eyes4 52F  
155 posts
1/13/2007 8:54 am

Last Read:
1/14/2007 1:55 pm
Oil changes...
I know, it's such a sexist post, but I couldn't resist! Especially after yesterday afternoon, when I got to hear a (male) co-worker discuss in great detail how much better it was to change the oil himself instead of trusting those know-nothings at "cheapie oil change rip-offs". Unfortunately, his story sounded a lot like he was following these instructions, which the exception of the test drive... I'm just not quite sure why it's better to do it yourself!

And yes, I usually try to choose pictures that go with my posts - I know this one doesn't, but he's just so purty....

Oil Change instructions for Women:

1 - Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2 - Drink a cup of coffee
3 - 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil Change: $20.00
Coffee: $ 1.00
Total: $21.00

Oil Change instructions for Men:
1 - Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2 - Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
3 - Open a beer and drink it.
4 - Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5 - Find jack stands under 's pedal car.
6 - In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7 - Place drain pan under engine.
8 - Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9 - Give up and use crescent wrench.
10 - Unscrew drain plug.
11 - Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
12 - Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13 - Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14 - Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15 - Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16 - Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a
beer.
17 - Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18 - Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19 - Remember drain plug from step 11.
20 - Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21 - Drink beer.
22 - Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23 - Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24 - Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25 - Begin cussing fit.
26 - Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27 - Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28 - Beer.
29 - Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30 - Beer.
31 - Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32 - Beer.
33 - Lower car from jack stands.
34 - Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35 - Beer.
36 - Test drive car.
37 - Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38 - Car gets impounded.
39 - Call loving wife, make bail.
40 - 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:

Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $20.00
Total: $4,145.00

But you know the job was done right!
lgryder 64M  
695 posts
1/13/2007 11:01 am

 Lol Big Brown Eyes. You sound like you have had at least one first hand experience with an oil change. It took me well into my 30's but I finallly figured out the proper way to change oil is your 3 step method instead of doing it myself.

Oh - and thanks for reminding me, the Toyota is due for a change.


Kasualfunguy 62M

6/4/2020 3:02 pm

 Keep your eyes closed long enough and listen to the wrong people long enough and you'll begin a downward spiral in your life.
When life happens and things need attention I repair them. If It's too complicated for me, then I hire it out. Either way, I keep smiling and moving on.


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