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Nympho Rambles for Weekend
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Nympho Rambles for Weekend Nympho Rambles – Inspired by the Viking & [post 2955866] or Not In the last 3 days 3 people who I consider very close to me have made similar and disturbing observations about my behavior with them. Seems I’m withdrawing and being short with everyone around me. My pet sitter, one of my best GF’s and my Viking have all mentioned it and asked me if I am ok. Seems I’m just relaying information on a need to know basis in a very “Facts, just the facts!” kind of way. I really wasn’t aware I was doing it until my Viking said that all I talk about since I came home from Italy is the calendar and what’s happening not how I’m feeling or what I’m thinking. I don’t think that’s entirely accurate but I have noticed a dramatic decrease in how much I’ve been writing. I haven’t touched my journal since the earthquake in Italy back in May. My blog has seen more one liners than my inbox at times. I have numerous AV&N editions that I haven’t written. My writing is my way of processing things and something I need to do. The fact that I’m not tells me I’m in survival mode and not feeling and processing. I’m just forcing myself to get through each day. Not a good thing so I need to get back in my head. The 4th was a good day for me and Lil Bit. We went to the river with my family from 10-2 then I dropped her off at a friend’s house for a sleep over. I headed over to Capt. SAH’s for a date. We had some hot<b> monkey sex </font></b>and swam in the pool before I realized how late it was and what I hadn’t done all day. I hadn’t sent my Viking a single note or message telling him I was thinking about him all day and it was well past our appointed chat/talk time. It wasn’t that I hadn’t been thinking about him. I was talking about him all day and missing him but I was lazy and didn’t stop long enough to think of what he needed. That night was not good for me or us. My Viking got very mad and upset with me because I didn’t live up to my end of our relationship on a day he needed me to be there for him more than ever. I hurt him and let him down because I wasn’t thinking about him or us. I was just getting through the day. I cut my date with Capt. SAH short and come home so we could talk it out but I feel terrible. I think it’s the only time he’s ever been mad at me. I was stunned senseless when I realized what I had done by just not thinking. We worked it out and everything is fine but it made me realize I have to snap my ass out of this funk. I’m overwhelmed with the drastic changes in my life. Yes, I know better than anyone how amazingly good those changes are but still stressful. There have been some negative and difficult changes too. The Viking being gone, losing the baby, several family deaths and losing Trinity are just a few off the top of my head in the order that they are impacting me. Anyone who doesn’t think that weddings are stressful has never been part of planning and having one. I’ve dealt with 2 in a span of 3 months. We’ve had one new birth and 2 more due soon. Dealing with all of those baby things and events, although happy, they are painful when I just lost our 1st in Feb. It is getting hard again now that our original due date is nearing. I was supposed to go to a baby shower today for Capt. SAH’s baby but Lil Bit started feeling back last night so I bowed out this morning. I feel bad. Mz. & Capt. SAH are great friends. The entire time I’ve been back stateside has just been one continuous unpacking, repacking, traveling and trying to catch up at home marathon. I’m bone weary, depressed and in need of some serious down time with my fur babies. Having my Viking home would be the best possible relief but that isn’t possible. At least our time clock has finally started counting down to us being home in each other’s arms. It isn’t fair of me to be shutting down when my Viking is doing his best to not shut down and he has a lot more to gain by shutting down. I told him I think I may have developed a sort of dimmer switch instead of the traditional on/off switch. When in distress my mind just automatically starts to dim things. I know some of you are probably wishing you could just flip a switch and not feel anything and just as many of you know exactly what I’m talking about because you do it too. Shutting down isn’t a good thing because you can’t stay on top of how the people around you that you love and that love you are feeling. Like most things it is a double edged sword. You don’t feel as much or as well but you also don’t stay in touch with people who need you. I become thoughtless, more selfish and not my normal empathetic self when I do this but the thing that really bothers me is that I wasn’t aware of doing it. I’m making a conscience effort to force myself to process what I’m thinking and feeling and not shut down. I’m also committing to a work out plan my Viking and I came up with. Ok honestly he came up with it. I just told him what I wanted to do and how often I was willing to start with. I won’t bore you with the details but I’m looking forward to it. I’m getting started today. I’m really thinking and reading up on Dom/sub relationships because I want to explore both of these sides of myself. I know this isn’t something I want to do regularly but I want to know what my limits are with both. I think being completely secure in my relationship with my Viking has brought this curiosity back to the surface. It was very odd that not a week after I started talking to my Viking about this I got an email from a young guy who wanted me to dominate him. I’m reading up and thinking about how I’d like start exploring the dominate side while the Viking is away. The sub side will have to wait until we are back together. That has some very emotionally dangerous areas for me to be exploring alone so I’d prefer him to be with me for that adventure. If I like being dominant I’m sure he’ll get to see that too. I’m knee deep in talking to and meeting guys for FWB. I’ve actually only met 2 and really like them both. I have plans to see one of them again this weekend. This is my 1st free weekend so I have high hopes for meeting several other people. [blog odbowes] wrote a post, [post 2955866] about something that always drives me crazy when meeting new people. She calls it the “poof” and I think that’s appropriate. The “poof” is not those people who you chat or talk with, maybe set up a meet and then they disappear. No those are flakes. The “poof” is a person you’ve done the meet & greet, the talking in between, the next date and actually had sex. Things seem great. The sex is fantastic you chat or text a few times and then gone. The “poof” is much more devastating and hard for me to understand. I’m dealing with being “poofed” by one of the 1st FWBs and giving a former “poof” a 2nd chance. I really don’t understand the “poof” when there seems to be nothing wrong. Of course in this case the “poof” maybe due to the distance between us but I argued that to start with and he wanted to make the effort. Even if that was the case he knows I drive through there on my way to Lulu’s which makes me think that the sex really wasn’t as great for him as he made it sound. Never mind not matching my perspective. Maybe there was just something about me he didn’t like. Maybe he met the love of his life right after he met me. I would just rather know why. My gray wolf came back into the picture after doing that same kind of thing but he and I had talked constantly for weeks before and after we had sex. Then he just slowly pulled back until I never heard from him again. I pushed for an explanation then but got none other than being busy so I just left him alone. Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago after I changed my profile to say I was looking for a FWB again and I got an email from him. I really debated on giving him another chance. In the end I know I’m attracted to him. We have fun hanging out in a non-sexual setting and we have great conversations so why wouldn’t I. I’m chatting with lots of other people but only a few have actually managed to carry a conversation and keep my interest. I’m setting up dates. I think most of these men are shocked when I send them a list of dates that I’m free. I want them to know I’m not kidding when I say I have very limited time free and the best way to show them that is to send the dates. Those dates are getting shorter by the day as I make more plans for my summer. Ideally I’d like to have a couple of guys to see locally and a couple people to see when I travel. I wish it were easier to find the right people. Someway to know who you’re really going to get along well with before you invest all this time. No shortcuts in life. Hope you pervs are having a great weekend. Kisses, LA  Kisses, LA    |
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censored?? dont understand
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It's ok to feel overwhelmed at times. The trick is to not let it cave in on you. Which I know is easier said then done at times. I wish you luck. And you know how to get a hold or me if you need a fresh ear. As for the Dom/sub exploration. I'm not going to preach anything as I'm still trying to explore my Dom side and I've been active in the local community for about a year now. I will just say take your time. Especially when you decide to explore your subbie side. There are a lot of posers out there that don't know what being a Dom/sub really means. Choose your guides carefully.
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You have had many life changes in a short time. Just take time for yourself and relax. The wolf is very sexy. Enjoy! She broke your throne, she cut your hair, and from your lips she drew the Halleluljah. -Cohen
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Seems as though your plate is definitely full. I know that feeling, and it is not good. You need to have some down time, and literally do nothing. Thank God I have the summer off, or I would be yonkers. Take care of yourself sweetie!  Thoughts from the Garden...
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Okay, breathe.... Wow! That's a lot of stuff to be dealing with; I don't think anyone would blame you for pulling back or shutting down for a little while. Some of the things you're dealing with are worthy of some "selfish" 'me time' (which i don't think is selfish at all). The fact that you can recognize that it's happening and make adjustments is, to me, a good indicator that it's temporal in nature, not permanent. I'm with you on the "poof" idea... I really don't CARE what the reason is, but I'd at least like to KNOW WHAT THE REASON IS that caused person X to disappear, seemingly without a trace. If you're gonna get stuck, get Stuck In The Middle With You
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